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by Abigail Van Buren

Fashion Conscious Daughter Is Embarrassed by Her Mom

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother died while I was out of the country on a two-week vacation. My dad left when I was in second grade, and she raised me along with my mother. We were very close. I always took care of her and made time to spend with her.

Although she had been in poor health for two years, Grandma was not in critical condition when I left. She passed away three days before I was to return, and my family held her funeral the day before I arrived.

I had expressed my wishes that they wait if at all possible. They did not, and I feel betrayed. We have always been close, and now I am so hurt and angry that I don't even want to see them. Can you offer any advice? -- CRUSHED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR CRUSHED: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. It is regrettable that the funeral could not be postponed, but there may have been extenuating circumstances.

Your feelings of anger are a part of your grieving process, and it is important that you work them through. It would be helpful for you to discuss this with your clergyperson so he or she can guide you to a grief support group. Please don't wait. The sooner you resolve this, the better it will be for you and your family, who I am sure are also grieving.