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by Abigail Van Buren

Sister Pays the Price for Her Brother in Law's Deception

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my brother-in-law sent my sister "Rita" and me on an all-expense-paid weekend trip to Canada. He asked me to tell Rita that I had "won" it for outstanding performance at my job and wanted her to accompany me.

To make a long story short, it turned out he did it in order to cheat on my sister. Because we had problems with the arrangements he had made, Rita and I had to return a day early. When she opened her front door and walked in, she caught her husband red-handed.

Ever since that unfortunate incident, Rita has cut off our entire family. She acts as though WE cheated on her, and remains married to this despicable man even though he lives with the other woman.

I don't understand why my sister has pushed away all of the people who love her while maintaining a relationship with a man who cheats on her. I don't know what to do. Any advice? -- MISSING MY SISTER

DEAR MISSING: Your sister may feel that she deserves the treatment she's getting from her husband, or is still hoping that her wandering spouse will return. Because you were part of the deception, she has displaced the anger she should be aiming at her husband and has directed it at you because it is "safer."

Until she finds the strength and courage to accept that her marriage is over, her behavior will probably continue. I'm advising you to go on with your life until she is ready to change hers.