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by Abigail Van Buren

Newly Published Author Shies Away From Glare of Limelight

DEAR ABBY: I am wondering about the practicality of contacting my ex-wife about our unmarried, middle-aged daughter, "Della." Our daughter is an attractive (when she wants to be), well-educated woman who has her own business and has never given either of us cause for concern. However, some of the decisions Della has made in the last year or so have not reflected what I consider to be basic common sense.

Two of the decisions involved considerable amounts of money. Others involve day-to-day dealings with people in general. I have occasionally spoken up and raised questions about the decisions she has made, but Della seems to neither understand nor appreciate my point of view.

There is nothing illegal or unethical about what my daughter is doing, but her naivete at times makes her an easy mark for people who don't have her best interests at heart.

Should I express my concern to Della's mother? She doesn't see our daughter as often as I do. My ex and I have not talked for a long, long time. -- IGNORE IT, OR NOT? SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR "IG": If you would like to talk to your ex-wife, by all means call her. But if she has less contact with your daughter than you do, she isn't going to be able to influence her, either.

Della is an adult, and sometimes experience is the most effective teacher. People often learn more from their mistakes than they do their successes. Perhaps after your daughter makes a few more poor choices she will be more receptive to listening to the voice of experience.