Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Dirk," and I have been dating nearly three years, and we recently moved in together. Before we met, he briefly dated a woman I'll call "Lola," who has bipolar disorder.

Although she was the one to end the relationship, Lola became jealous when she heard Dirk was dating me and started following us around. Dirk is a musician, and Lola would dance provocatively at his shows, hang on him and hug him, and we would sometimes be kept up all night by her calls and texts.

Dirk has told Lola many times that she's crossing the line. Eventually, she began seeing someone else and stopped tormenting us. But now that she has learned we're living together, her crazy behavior has started up again.

I went to pick Dirk up from his show last night and heard that Lola had told half the people in the club that he had "always loved her," that they were "soul mates," and that she would be going home with him! While I don't doubt the stability of my relationship with Dirk, I find Lola's behavior irritating and blatantly disrespectful.

Dirk tells me any confrontation would be counterproductive, and that the woman would be "overjoyed" to find out she's causing me distress. He thinks she's so unstable she might react violently. I'm fed up. What should we do? -- HAD IT IN MANHATTAN

DEAR HAD IT: You have my sympathy. This is the downside of having a relationship with a charismatic performer. Although Lola's behavior is irritating, I'm casting my vote with your boyfriend. If you show her she is getting to you, her antics will only increase.

It won't take long for the regulars at the club to recognize her for the poor, deluded fan she is. The other club-goers really don't count. However, should Lola's actions escalate to violence, the police should be called and a restraining order taken out.

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