DEAR ABBY: It takes a lot for me to write, but I felt your response to "Quarters From Heaven" (Dec. 20) was unfeeling. I would imagine the smoke odor from her now-dead friend was fleeting. She didn't need a new room. The quarters, too, were a special reminder. After my father died, I kept finding pennies and nickels for several months.
My late husband, Jim, used the smell of coffee to let us know his spirit was close. I have been awakened twice at 2 or 3 a.m., and the third time it was 6 a.m. I was visiting friends at a lake house he loved and awoke to the strong smell of coffee. I went downstairs and said, "I had to get up. I could smell the coffee." My hostess replied, "I haven't started it yet." I said, "Oh, that Jim -- he's doing it to me again."
My son has a shed in the backyard that Jim helped build. He and his 8-year-old son were going out there and the boy said, "I smell coffee." My son said, "I do, too." They went back inside to tell his wife, and she said, "Don't you know your dad always had a cup of coffee he bought on the way here when he came to work on the shed?" When they went back out, the smell was gone.
There has also been a distinct scent of lavender a few times in our bedroom -- and this morning I smelled oatmeal for a few minutes. He liked to cook it, and I never do. Jim has been gone almost three years, and these reminders are on an occasional basis. It is their way of communicating. -- BARBARA IN WHITESBORO, N.Y.
DEAR BARBARA: I heard from quite a few readers who were unhappy about my answer to that letter. I should have stopped at offering my sympathy -- and if my reply caused hurt feelings, I sincerely apologize. We all have our own way of coping with loss, and if pennies from heaven, quarters -- even seeing butterflies -- brings comfort, I should not have discouraged it.