DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old woman who lost my beloved mother a few months ago. A sudden illness took her quickly. I made the difficult decision to remove her from life support when there was no longer any hope.
Mom raised me by herself, and we saw each other every day. She was my best friend. I don't know how to go on without someone to love me like she did.
I would like your opinion on an idea I have. There must be a mother somewhere who has lost an adult child and has love to give. I could reciprocate that love. I do not wish to replace my mom -- that would be impossible. She was an amazing woman. I just need someone to care for me that way. I am loved as a wife, niece and friend, but no longer as someone's child. I need to give and receive that kind of unconditional love.
Is this unhealthy? What would be the best way to fulfill my needs? I have tried individual and group therapy. I am financially independent. What are your thoughts? -- DAUGHTER OF AN ANGEL IN ALABAMA
DEAR DAUGHTER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved mother. I know you are grieving, but what you have in mind could cause you more problems than you already have.
Right now joining a grief support group or talking with a therapist who specializes in the grieving process would be far more helpful for you than immediately trying to fill the hole in your life left by your mother's death. I am concerned that what you are considering could lead to you being cruelly exploited.
The love a mother experiences for her child is not interchangeable or replaceable in the way you are thinking of doing it. The validation you are seeking can be found in volunteer work of all kinds.