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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Fears She May Love Newfound Family Too Much

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who has recently discovered my biological family. I have a wonderful half-brother and several other amazing people I can now call family.

The issue I'm struggling with is my profound attraction to my half-brother. I know it's morally wrong, and I may be confusing the newfound relationship with him. Your perspective would be very much appreciated. -- CONFLICTED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Physical attraction is a reflex -- and not something we can control. Our BEHAVIOR, on the other hand, is something we CAN control.

This is a case of wrong time, wrong place. If you had been a member of the royal family in Egypt 3,000 years ago, you could have married your half-brother and continued the dynasty. But this is 2009 and the USA, so you're just going to have to satisfy your physical attraction with someone less incestuous.

DEAR ABBY: Is it rude to label one's leftover food when staying with relatives? My husband, daughter and I visit his family often. When we go out to eat and bring leftovers back to the house, we usually label them if we want to eat them later.

It has never seemed out of the ordinary to me. I was raised that way. My mother always said that if I didn't want something eaten by one of my siblings, then I should label it.

Recently, my husband's sister (who is 16) asked if she could eat the rest of some pizza we had bought the night before. I politely responded that I planned to have it for lunch. She remarked that she thinks it is funny that we are so protective of our food. It got me to thinking -- is our behavior odd? -- TAKEN ABACK IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Considering that you come from a family in which anything in the fridge was considered fair game among your siblings, it's not odd at all. And when your sister-in-law said what she did, you should have explained that to her. Had you done so, she wouldn't have questioned it.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old daughter, "Marissa," is self-centered, lies compulsively and does not consider the consequences of her actions. She has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. We have just learned that she is now pregnant, and her father and I are not happy about it.

We will eventually be meeting the parents of the child's father. Is it our responsibility to discuss Marissa's problems with them? Or should we keep our mouths shut and pretend we are happy? -- TRYING TO DECIDE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TRYING TO DECIDE: Does the young man know about your daughter's diagnosis and what it means? If not, then HE should be told and the implications explained to him.

Because your daughter's personality disorder will affect their son and the grandchild, his parents should also be informed. Ideally, he is the person who should do it. But if he doesn't, lay all the cards on the table because the other grandparents should be prepared.

And no, you do not have to "pretend" to be happy about the situation. And neither do they.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)