DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that my husband of 28 years has end-stage leukemia. I worked in the medical field for years and have been around a lot of sick people, but this is "unreal" for me. I'm in a state of shock, and terrified about what lies ahead.
I have told all our children except our daughter, "Pearl." Pearl is pregnant and has miscarried three times. She knows her father hasn't been well, but she doesn't know the current facts. When her father first became ill, Pearl told me that if I ever withheld any critical information about it from her she would never forgive me. She lives in another state, far from us. I am worried if I tell her about her dad's condition she'll have complications with her pregnancy. But if I don't and her dad worsens, Pearl might not get to see him in time.
Am I wrong to keep this from her? Should I tell her? I don't want to increase her stress and risk of having another problem with her pregnancy. -- SUFFERING IN SILENCE
DEAR SUFFERING: When Pearl first learned of her father's diagnosis, she put you on notice. Because your other children know your husband's condition has worsened, what is to prevent one of them from letting something slip?
Call your daughter and let her know her dad's condition has worsened, but that he's getting the best treatment available. Do not announce that he is dying. She'll catch on to that fact as she talks to you, her other siblings and to her father as time progresses.
Much as you would like to, you can't protect Pearl from this reality. Better she experience the loss of her father along with you and her siblings than to learn later that she was left out.