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Animal Lovers Blast Grandma Who Abandoned Children's Pet
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in regard to the letter from "On the Fence in Nevada" (Sept. 11) (whose mother-in-law dumped her grandchildren's cat on the side of the road). I work as an animal safety officer for the sheriff's office, and I also volunteer for a local animal nonprofit.
There has been an increase in pet dumping as the economy has worsened. While the information you offered was accurate, there are many other reasons not to abandon an animal.
What "Loretta" did was illegal. It's called animal endangerment, animal abuse or animal abandonment. Because the cat did not belong to her, she could also have been brought up on charges of theft. Such charges can carry heavy fines and jail time.
"On the Fence" should know that there are local organizations that can help her brother-in-law by providing temporary foster care for his pet until he can get back on his feet. Their members are people who will want the cat in their home and who will love it and look after it. -- DAWN IN COLORADO
DEAR DAWN: Thank you for pointing out that what Loretta did was illegal and that there are options for providing care for family pets. Readers were outraged and some went so far as suggesting that Loretta herself be dumped by the side of the road with no food, water or cell phone and left to find her way home. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That letter made my blood boil! I'm surprised that "Fence" needed to write for advice. She should never have stood silently by and let "Precious" be returned to her abuser. As you said, this was a virtual death sentence for Precious, and it was a miracle that she ended up in a shelter. The mother-in-law who watched the family hunt for the cat day after day has a sadistic streak a mile wide.
Abby, shelters across the nation are already overcrowded as a result of animals surrendered by their families because of the troubled economy. Precious stood little chance of being adopted and I am relieved her family located her. -- FELINE FANCIER, ROYAL OAK, MICH.
DEAR ABBY: I was shocked, appalled and horrified by the letter about Precious. How awful! I can't believe anyone with a conscience could do such a thing to an innocent creature. And to her own son and grandchildren!
How she could watch them search day in and day out, then watch them re-adopt their cat is beyond me. I hope she reads this and knows what a low-life I think she is. "On the Fence" should tell her brother-in-law what happened to keep such a thing from ever happening again. -- HORRIFIED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR ABBY: The family cat being dumped by the side of the road because the mother-in-law no longer wanted to take care of it is beyond inexcusable. It was flat-out mean-spirited. "Ray," his wife and their kids were already experiencing challenging times and Loretta not only created an unnecessary expense but added to the stress on the family.
Pets provide great calm and stability when our lives are in turmoil. If Loretta no longer wanted the responsibility of the pet, why didn't she make other arrangements, like boarding it in a kennel? If I was her husband, I would have left her on the side of the road and brought the cat home. The cat would have provided him with unconditional love, something it appears Loretta is incapable of feeling. What she did shows she doesn't value her relationship with her grandchildren. -- JOHN IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.
MAN'S TWO DAUGHTERS ARE MORE THAN WOMAN WANTS TO HANDLE
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Charlie" for almost a year. We both have children from previous relationships. He has recently been talking about marriage, but as much as I care for him, I am reluctant.
When my daughter, "Mia," was in kindergarten, she was diagnosed with ADHD. I went through some rough times. It took all I had to raise her and her younger brother. Mia is now 13 and finally starting to overcome her ADHD issues.
The problem is Charlie's daughter (age 8) has ADHD far worse than Mia's was, and his other daughter (age 6) has an eating disorder.
Charlie divorced his wife just before we began dating, and he became a single parent. He has never parented alone. His wife was the primary caregiver to both girls.
Charlie does take the advice I offer and has tried to change his disciplinary habits, but only when I say something. And he doesn't take his younger daughter's disorder seriously.
I would like to stay with him, but -- and this is going to sound awful -- I don't want to raise his high-maintenance kids. I feel I have served my time as a parent to a child with special needs. Caring for his changes all the rules I have established for my own children. They're beginning to wonder why his daughters are treated more leniently and, "If I had done that, you'd have punished me" is something I hear all the time. -- BURNED-OUT MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR BURNED OUT: Your signature says it all. Have you heard the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? You and Charlie have a wonderful relationship right now. You can enjoy him and help him out when he needs it, and you're still free to absent yourself when his girls become too much for you.
Marriage is a package deal. If you combine households feeling the way you do, it would be unfair to yourself, to Charlie and all four of the children. I advise against it.
P.S. If you haven't already mentioned to Charlie that both his daughters need to be under a doctor's care, I urge you to do it.
DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old daughter, "Tiffany," still lives at home. When she was out of work for six months, we paid all her bills.
She has become very disrespectful to me and my husband. The atmosphere in our home has become so toxic that we asked her to move out. When we told her, she threatened us by saying if we make her move we'll never see her again.
I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I have done something to make her behave this way, and I can no longer function normally on a daily basis. I'm extremely depressed, and I desperately need advice on how to proceed. -- HELPLESS IN MARYLAND
DEAR HELPLESS: Is Tiffany on drugs? Does she have emotional problems that have prompted her personality change? If the answer is yes, she needs professional help and should be allowed to stay only if she agrees to it. If the answer is no, then your "mistake" may have been in being so lenient and generous that your daughter may feel it's her right to stay on her own terms indefinitely.
You are entitled to respect and peace of mind in your own home, so stick to your guns and don't cave in. Tiffany isn't going to disappear from your lives forever. In fact, if her behavior is any indication, I predict she'll be back the minute she needs money, if not before.
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Wife Is Betrayed by Man's Repeated Internet Infidelity
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for many years. We have three happy, successful children and a good life together. I love him dearly.
I recently discovered that he had been spending a lot of time in erotic online chat rooms. He had hundreds of contacts he was speaking with regularly for pleasure. It had escalated to the point that he would have "conversations" with them on the phone or watch them on a webcam.
After I caught him, he promised to stop. I caught him again and threatened to leave him. He swore that he had never met any of these people and that he had used a fictitious name. He's now getting counseling and expects me to get beyond it. I am trying, but I feel betrayed. I feel as though he was unfaithful.
I am sure you have other readers out there who have experienced Internet infidelity. Do you consider it cheating if they never actually physically meet the people they talk to? I have no one to discuss this with and would appreciate some input. -- JUST PLAIN SAD IN MAINE
DEAR JUST PLAIN SAD: Yes, I do consider it a form of cheating. And it would be in your interest to get to the bottom of why this happened before you "get beyond it."
You're feeling sad because you were betrayed. And the fact that you have no one to discuss it with makes me sad. That's why I'm advising you that you could also benefit from counseling, and I recommend that you seek a referral right away.
DEAR ABBY: I have two great-nephews. I would like to invite one of them to help me on a big shopping trip, but I don't want to include his brother.
The 10-year-old is a sweet boy who always shows respect for his elders. His 12-year-old brother is a smart-mouth, arrogant know-it-all. How can I invite one without having to put up with the other? -- GREAT-AUNT SUSIE ON THE EAST COAST
DEAR GREAT-AUNT SUSIE: Just pick up the phone and ask his mother if you can bring the younger boy along to help you on the trip. Don't mention the older boy. And if his mother brings him up, tell her what you have told me. However, if you plan to shower the younger one with gifts on that trip and "forget" the older one, I'd advise against it because it will create resentment and the target will be the younger boy.
DEAR ABBY: How do you handle someone who needs to constantly flaunt his money? That person is my boss. He makes a lot of money, and he enjoys rubbing it in my face. He never fails to tell me how much he pays for purchases -- from cars to clothing, even to how much he paid for his mother's funeral. He literally approaches my desk with his checkbook open and points out the amount.
This man spends more on clothes in a month than I earn in a year. He takes his cash out of his pocket and counts it in front of me. I feel like he's waiting for some kind of reaction from me, but I don't give in.
Can you think of a way for me to stop him in his tracks when he starts regaling me with his next shopping spree? -- FRUGAL OFFICE WORKER IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR OFFICE WORKER: I sure can. Tell him you need a raise.