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by Abigail Van Buren

Husband Demands More Than Worn Out Wife Can Provide

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old business woman. I was single for many years until I met and fell in love with "Rory," who had been a long-time client. We were married a year ago.

Rory and I love each other, but we have a problem -- or, should I say, I have one. Rory has a penile implant and an insatiable sex drive. I can't keep up with him. He demands sex every night and sometimes a couple of times during the week at lunchtime.

I don't know what to do because above all I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. Have you any advice for me? -- TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

DEAR TOO MUCH: Yes, you and your husband appear to have a communication problem, and the solution is to schedule some sessions with a marriage counselor. You are not the "one" with the problem. When a couple suffers from sexual problems, it's a problem shared by both parties.

I don't know how long Rory had erectile difficulties before he got his implant, but it appears he's using the device as a toy and doesn't understand the enjoyment must be mutual. And if it isn't mutual, you have the right to "just say no."

DEAR ABBY: My son is being married soon. It will be his first marriage and his fiancee's second.

Would it be proper to have a wedding shower for our side of the family? My daughter would host it. Also, do we invite the bride's mother even if it's a party for our side of the family? -- MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE: A bridal shower for your future daughter-in-law inviting your side of the family would be a warm, welcoming gesture. However, it should not be hosted by an immediate family member of the bride-to-be or her fiance -- which eliminates your daughter. The reason for the restriction preventing close relatives from hosting the event is anyone who attends a shower is obligated to bring a gift. Therefore, a party sponsored by a near relative is a virtual demand for gifts by someone too close to the couple for it to be in good taste.

As to whether or not to include the bride's mother, although bridesmaids and mothers of the engaged couple are usually included, it isn't carved in stone that they must be. Example: If the party is given by the couple's contemporaries for members of their generation, the mothers would not necessarily be included. In this case, however, inviting the bride's mother so she can become acquainted with your side of the family would be a thoughtful gesture.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-month-old daughter loves visiting her grandmom and grandpop. But there's a hitch -- Grandpop often meets us at the door dressed only in a T-shirt and briefs. I have heard my mother tell him more than once, "Come on, Grandpa, put your pants on!"

I have tried cajoling him to be more modest. He seems to think since it's his home, he can do and wear what he pleases. Any advice? -- UNDERWEARY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDERWEARY: Just this: If seeing "Grandpop" in his underwear bothers you, call before you take your daughter over for a visit to ask if he's "decent." He's right about being able to do and wear what he pleases in his own home. But there's no law that says you must be subjected to it if it makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR READERS: Today, Veterans Day, I would like to thank not only all of you who have honorably served our country, but also those men and women who are on active duty for your service as well. I salute each and every one of you. -- ABBY

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