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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman's Predatory Boss Is Eager to Score Again

DEAR ABBY: I attended a business-related function with my boss and some co-workers. I had way too much to drink and ended up having sex with my boss. (He offered me a ride to my car and took advantage of me.) If I had been sober, it would never have happened.

Since then, my boss continues to pursue me even though I have made it clear that it was a mistake and something I truly regret. I have no interest in this man. He is married, and it sickens me every time I think about it. I am too ashamed to discuss this with anyone, but my boss won't leave me alone. Please tell me what I should do. -- EMBARRASSED IN CHICAGO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your boss is acting like a sexual predator, and has from the beginning. If you haven't been documenting his harassment, begin to do so immediately. And if anyone has seen him put the moves on you, so much the better. You should also discuss this with an attorney, and because you are "embarrassed," make it a woman.

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Eric's" car was destroyed in a natural disaster four years ago. His insurance company paid for the loss, but he never replaced the car. For the next two years he borrowed one from another family member until she finally put a stop to it. For the last two years Eric has been using one of mine.

It started out as a temporary loan, but now he acts like I gave it to him. I still pay for its upkeep and insurance, because if I didn't, Eric wouldn't. I have offered to sell it to him for a reasonable price, but every time I mention it he comes up with an excuse.

I feel used. How do I tell my brother I want my car back without stepping on anyone's toes? We are a close family, and I'm afraid he'll hold a grudge if I tell him how I feel. He and his wife have full-time, well-paying jobs. My husband and I have two other vehicles, so I don't need the other one desperately. I just hate seeing it used and abused like this. Should I feel guilty about wanting my wheels back? -- USED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR USED UP: No, you shouldn't -- and your signature speaks volumes. Now pick up the phone and call your insurance agent. It is possible that because you are the legal owner of that vehicle, you could be responsible for any damage that your brother might cause while driving it.

You have been a wonderful and generous sister for having allowed him to use it for as long as he has. Because you're having trouble finding the words to tell Eric that you want him to stand on his own two feet and provide his own transportation, ask the relative who loaned him the last one to let you borrow her script.

DEAR ABBY: I am regularly invited out to eat by either of two friends, both of whom are very wealthy. I have noticed that neither one leaves a 15 percent tip. They usually leave 10 or 12 percent.

I feel uncomfortable when they don't leave a server what I consider to be the minimum appropriate tip. Would it be OK for me to add to the tip they are leaving? I don't want to offend them. Please advise. -- RED-FACED IN RICHMOND, CALIF.

DEAR RED-FACED: If you can find a way to do it discreetly, without embarrassing your host, I am sure your generosity would be appreciated by the server.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)