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by Abigail Van Buren

Parents Object to Being Shut Out by Surgery Bound Daughter

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Giselle," is scheduled to have serious surgery soon, and she has forbidden us to come to the hospital. She wants only her husband to be there.

She has gone so far as to call us and make me promise that we will not come. She says we need to respect that she is a grown woman in her late 40s, and this is her decision and her way of dealing with the situation.

Giselle lives two hours from us, and she said she will let us know when we can visit for a few days. Her husband will contact us as soon as the doctor talks to him after surgery. But Giselle says that she simply "does not want to be surrounded by family."

I feel like we are being treated like family pets -- come when you're called; otherwise, stay out of the way. Up to this point we had a close relationship with her. We cannot understand her attitude. What do you think, Abby? -– BAFFLED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BAFFLED: This isn't about you or the family pet. It is about your adult daughter facing what might be a life-threatening or life-changing operation and what will make her most comfortable. I know you love your daughter, and I'm sure it is reciprocated. But I think it is imperative that you abide by her wishes and not impose your own on her at this time.