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DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Kirk," and I have been married for 12 years. About a year ago we moved overseas because my husband is in the military. Before the move, Kirk was gone for a year, and I became very independent because I had to do everything myself. We had had some problems before, but since the move they have gotten worse.

We don't talk or even stay in the same room for very long. Kirk treats me like a roommate and hasn't touched me in more than a year. I have tried to talk to him about this, but all I get is, "I don't know what I want."

Abby, he makes it sound like it's all my fault. To say the least, this causes me stress and I end up yelling at our kids, which isn't fair to them. Please help me because I don't know what to do. -- UNHAPPY MILITARY WIFE

DEAR UNHAPPY WIFE: Your marriage is in serious trouble, and it won't improve unless you and your husband can find a safe place in which you can communicate frankly and honestly. An excellent place to start would be by talking to the chaplain on the base where your husband is stationed. If your husband won't go with you, then go alone.

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