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Couples Married Very Young Happily Grow Old Together
DEAR ABBY: "Young and in Love" (Oct. 31) does not need to "defend" herself. Lots of folks who marry young have successful marriages. I was 20, and my wife was 21 when we married. My mother thought I was too young, but signed the paper giving us permission because I was underage in the state where we were married. That was 54 years ago.
Our secret is a personal commitment under God to each other to make it work during the difficult times as well as the good ones. -- 54 YEARS AND COUNTING, TIGERVILLE, S.C.
DEAR 54 YEARS AND COUNTING: Your letter expresses the sentiments of many readers. Commitment seems to be the common bond between couples who have long marriages -- some as long as 70 years. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Please let "Young and in Love" know that I, too, married at 20. My husband and I celebrated 24 years of marriage last month. Abby, your advice is right on. What matters most in a marriage isn't age. It's the willingness to work through whatever comes your way, no matter what it takes. What keeps us strong and still in love today is our faith and commitment to each other. -- LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT 24
DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Young." I, too, was married when I was 20. There were many naysayers -- even the priest. As he was marrying us he asked, "Are you sure you REALLY want to go through with this?" That was more than 26 years ago.
If you really love and respect one another, it can last. Get rid of the doubters in your life and surround yourself with positive people.
My husband and I are more in love today than we were all those years ago. He's my best friend. One of the perks of marrying young is having kids young. Then you get grandchildren sooner. If nothing else, stay together just to prove them wrong. -- STILL IN LOVE IN CRYSTAL BEACH, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: I met my wife Christmas caroling. My hands were cold and she warmed them (and my heart). I was 17; she was 14. We married when I was 22 and she was 19. Fifty-four years later, we are still together, and she warms my heart every morning when we wake up together. -- IN LOVE FOREVER, MAGNOLIA, DEL.
DEAR ABBY: Our college friends held a lottery betting how long our marriage would last. The longest bet was 18 months. Last August we decided to renew our vows in the same town and church where we were married 50 years ago. It was a very special ceremony made even more so when the priest asked the congregation to sing, "They Tried to Tell Us We're Too Young." -- BEEN THERE IN WAITSBURG, WASH.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married when we were 19 and 17, without the support of family and friends. They all said it wouldn't last because we were too young, from broken homes and hadn't finished our educations.
Each wedding anniversary we would lift a glass and say, "It can't last," except for our most recent one last March. We lifted our glasses and said, "Happy 60th anniversary, Honey." Love can overcome anything. -- OLD AND LOVED, LANCASTER, PA.
DEAR READERS: Rise and shine, everyone! Welcome to a brand-new year. Today is our chance for a new beginning, the day we discard destructive habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I'm printing Dear Abby's oft-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- adapted by my mother from the original credo of Al-Anon.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent in by I.J. Bhatia, who lives in New Delhi, India:
DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature." The following prayer of St. Francis contains a powerful message:
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
"Where there is injury, pardon;
"Where there is doubt, faith;
"Where there is despair, hope;
"Where there is darkness, light;
"Where there is sadness, joy.
"O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
"To be understood as to understand;
"To be loved as to love.
"For it is in giving that we receive;
"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
"It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
May this New Year bring with it peace and joy. And to one and all -- a happy, healthy 2009.
With love, ABBY
Man's Fashion Statement Draws Derision From Family Members
DEAR ABBY: My problem is unusual, but I'm hoping if you address it in your column it will help. I'm a married man, confident in who I am, who wears skirts for comfort. I feel skirts are more comfortable than pants, which I find tight, restrictive and uncomfortable. I wear skirts around the house, when I'm out running errands and when I attend church. My clergyman has raised no objection to it.
After much research, my wife and I have concluded that the only thing against men wearing skirts is social pressure, and then only in certain countries -- America being one of them.
Pants are a relatively new style of clothing. For thousands of years of recorded history, men and women both wore skirts. Then women fought for and won the right to wear pants, shorts, whatever they wanted -- which is great. I believe men should have the same option. My wife supports me in this.
Our problem is some family members who disagree have talked behind our backs, started rumors and turned people against us with false information. How can I make them understand that they are entitled to their belief, but that they shouldn't gossip and create problems for us because I am not doing anything wrong? -- JOE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR JOE: Gossip is the province of small-minded people, and it is sad that your relatives have used the fact that you have chosen to be different as an opportunity to spread malicious falsehoods.
As long as you have the testicular fortitude and shapely enough legs to wear skirts, then you have my blessing. Some men's clothing designers have been trying for years to revive skirts as part of men's wardrobes. Because fashion trends not only change but often revolve, who's to say you're not on the leading edge of what's to come?
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine bought me a bathrobe. I had told her a while ago that my favorite one had become old, ragged and faded. I also mentioned that I'd had a hard time finding one to replace it that was lightweight enough because most are too warm.
When I opened her gift, I realized that the one she had bought for me was too heavy. I went to exchange it for one in a thinner fabric, but found nothing I liked, so I selected some kitchen utensils because I enjoy cooking and have cooked for her many times.
The next time I saw her, I thanked her and explained what I had done. Now she's upset with me. She says I have hurt her feelings, and she's holding it against me. Was I rude by exchanging her gift, and if so, how can I make it better? Her friendship is important to me. -- TONY IN ALTOONA
DEAR TONY: Apologize to her again, and tell her you're sorry her feelings were hurt. Then ask her what she would have preferred -- to have her gift hanging unused in your closet because it wasn't comfortable, or exchanged for something you could really use. As emotionally vested as she may have been in the bathrobe she selected, if she has a practical bone in her body, she should see it your way.
DEAR READERS: From the bottom of my heart, I wish all of you a happy, healthy and prosperous 2009. And please, if you're driving tonight, don't drink; and if you're drinking tonight, don't drive. Stay safe, everyone! -- Love, ABBY