DEAR ABBY: Nine years ago I had reconstructive facial surgery to repair a botched nose job. It changed the way I look. My nose was fixed, but it left my upper lip very stiff, and when I talk it can be distracting to others. My children and my husband are fine with it, but my mother and brother have a hard time looking at and socializing with me.
Over the past nine years some hurtful things have happened. I was in church one Sunday and overheard my brother say laughingly, "I can't believe how she looks." Mom told him, "You'd better contain yourself." Once, when my sister-in-law was holding her year-old daughter, I was smiling and talking to the baby. My sister-in-law said to her, "You don't even know what you're looking at, do you?"
Abby, sometimes I catch my mother shaking her head in disbelief over my appearance. I asked my brother for the name of his doctor for my daughter, and he told me to use my own doctor. The incidents go on and on.
After many painful rejections I have finally decided to move on with my life without these family members. I have explained that I will no longer attend family functions because they do not accept me. My husband and kids support me in this. I will be there if my family needs me, but I want nothing more from them. Am I wrong for pushing them away? -- HURT IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR HURT: You are entitled to spend your time with people who love you, respect you and enjoy having you around. From what you have related, the dysfunction in your family may go beyond the circumstances of your unfortunate nose job and reconstructive surgery.
Your sister-in-law appears to be insensitive at best, and your brother is downright hostile. If it's painful to be around them, then by all means spend your time with people who will accept you as you are.