DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old gay man. Five years ago, when I was 18, I became involved with "Jeff," an older married man. My mother worked second shift in a hospital, so I was almost always alone after school. Jeff would spend an hour or two with me three times a week while I was in high school, and spent more time in my apartment when I was in college. He also contributed $6,000 toward my college education.
Now that I have graduated and am working, Jeff has offered me $20,000 as a down payment on a house three doors down from his. He says it's a gift, not a loan. I know there would be no legal obligation to repay him.
I love Jeff, but in five years, when his youngest child is in college, if he doesn't leave his wife, I'll be ready to move on. Would I be ethically obligated to repay him if I left?
Jeff is a very successful businessman. He can well afford to send all five of his children to college, even after having given me this gift. He has told me repeatedly that the last five years with me have been the best years of his life. If I spend another five years with him, he will have had the best 10 years of his life for a $26,000 investment (or about $50 a week). Am I being selfish or smart? -- CLOSETED IN INDIANA
DEAR CLOSETED: Neither. In five years, unless you want to look at yourself in the mirror and see someone who sold himself for $50 a week, do not accept the money and move in practically next door. I will offer the same advice to you that I would to a woman in your position. There is little dignity in being someone's secret lover. And the chances of your being hurt if you accept the money are greater than the payoff you're hoping for.