For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
WOMAN WHO GOT OFF HER HIGH HORSE DIDN'T FIND MUCH TO RIDE
DEAR ABBY: I wrote you about a year ago regarding my difficulty in finding a single, educated, relationship-minded man. You advised me to lower my high standards and date outside my preconceived notions of who Mr. Right was - - someone younger or without a college degree.
I dated several men who matched the description. At best, things were uninteresting. Taking your suggestion to "get off my high horse," I have been involved for six months with a man slightly younger than I, with a high school education and children. He's a good man, a good father, and treats me like a queen. However, we're completely incompatible. Intellectually, we're miles apart.
Much as I care for him, I am breaking up with him. I have returned to school to work on my MBA and would rather be single the rest of my life than live a lie for the sake of love. The one thing I have learned from this experience is a newfound fulfillment in being single. -- STILL LOOKING IN NEW ORLEANS
DEAR STILL LOOKING: I wish you luck in your search. Over the years I have met people from all walks of life and developed affection as well as respect for their street smarts. I hoped it would work for you. Sorry my advice didn't turn out the way it was intended, but I'm glad you got something positive out of it anyway.
I'm often asked if I hear back from those whose letters I publish. Curious? Read on:
DEAR ABBY: You printed my letter July 6. I signed myself "Adrift in Anderson, S.C." I want you to know things have since improved. My husband and I finally talked, and we decided to work things out. I found a better job and we put our house up for sale. He's doing something different now, too. Money is no longer tight and the pressure is off.
The main thing is, we talked to each other and realized we need to focus on what made us want to be together in the first place. I decided to follow your advice and did exactly what you suggested. And I understand what you mean about not being able to "unring the bell."
Thank you for caring and for printing my letter. Hopefully there won't be any other people texting for divorces they don't want! Sign me ... ANCHORED AGAIN IN S.C.
DEAR ANCHORED: Thank you for the update. I'm pleased to know your situation has improved. Texting may be convenient, but nothing replaces eye contact.
DEAR ABBY: I'm "Sad Dad in Arizona," whose letter appeared May 2 with feedback from your readers on July 2. My wife has a terminal illness and our 15-year-old son didn't want to attend her funeral when the time came. I'd like to thank you and everyone who took the time to write and offer advice.
I'd like to update you on my situation. My mother died recently and my son did attend her funeral. He was apprehensive at first, but handled it much better than he thought he would and he was glad he went.
My wife and I have been going to the Mayo Clinic, and they have given us some hope. While there's no cure for her, there is a medication that may extend her life at least a few more years. On a side note, she finally located her birth father, who lives in another state. She went to visit him and her newfound family before she starts her treatment, which will make her too sick to travel. The visit went well.
A lot can change in a few months. -- FORMERLY SAD DAD
DEAR FORMERLY SAD: I'll say! Your last sentence says it all. I'm sure my readers will be as pleased as I am to know your wife is doing better for now.
Cruising With Old Date May Cause Friction With 'Mr. New'
DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who dates and is not in a serious relationship right now. I'm enjoying my life, having fun, but have met someone along the way who is becoming important. I'm getting the same vibes from him.
Before meeting "Mr. New," I booked a Caribbean vacation with someone I have dated off and one for a few years. Now I'm worried. What if things progress with Mr. New? How will I tell him, and how will he feel about my going on vacation with "Mr. Standby"? I don't think lying is the answer, but I could say I was going with a girlfriend. But what if we become something more and he finds out I lied to him?
The trip is coming up soon and I don't know when -- or if -- I should tell Mr. New. Who knows? We could be over by then, although I hope not. Any advice would be appreciated. -- SINGLE GIRL IN PINE HILL, N.J.
DEAR SINGLE GIRL: I'm surprised you would still be enthusiastic about "tripping" with Mr. Standby while you're falling for Mr. New. Do not lie. The truth has a way of coming out, and if you do, it will wreck your credibility and the romance as well.
I advise you to level with Standby and let him know you met someone. He needs to find another travel companion ASAP. There will probably be a penalty for assigning your pre-purchased ticket to someone else. If there is, offer to pay it. It's the price of being honorable.
P.S. If Mr. New does not turn out to be Mr. Right, you can always take another trip with Mr. Standby next year if he is still willing to date you. (However, if he reads Dear Abby and recognizes that you consider him only "Mr. Standby," he may not be.)
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child and selected names some time ago. If it's a boy, we'll name him Ethan; if it's a girl, we'll call her Ardith.
My father sent us a nasty e-mail telling us he's praying we have a boy because he couldn't imagine "saddling a child with a name like Ardith." This from a man who named his son "Seymour Herbert" and stuck with a last name that is an insult in two languages. (My brother and I grew so sick of being reminded of it that we changed our last name.) It wasn't even our original family name, but a badly Americanized name-gone-wrong that was laid on our grandfather when he came to this country.
My husband and I found my father's remarks extremely hurtful and wrote him to explain why we chose the name Ardith, but Dad persists in saying how much he hates our choice.
We know the name is old-fashioned and unusual. But considering what some celebrities name their children these days, Ardith doesn't seem weird to us. If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen. Meanwhile, how do we deal with my father when he keeps bugging us? -- EXPECTING ANY DAY NOW IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR EXPECTING: By standing your ground and refusing to be intimidated. The privilege of choosing a child's name belongs to his or her parents. If Grandpa doesn't like it, suggest that he call your daughter "Darling," or "Honey." Both are endearments and would be his "special" name for her.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP MAY FOUNDER ON INFIDELITY
DEAR ABBY: I have been involved in a long-distance relationship for the past year. I'm crazy about him and have been completely faithful to him.
While we were talking on the phone today he asked, "What would you do if I cheated on you?" It came out of the blue, and I realized he was serious! My family and friends believe he has already cheated on me and was feeling guilty. Part of me thinks they may be right. Can you settle my disturbed thoughts? -- UNSETTLED IN DERRY, PA.
DEAR UNSETTLED: Long-distance relationships can be especially challenging. When someone asks a question like your boyfriend asked you, it usually means the person has cheated or is considering doing so.
It would be interesting to know how you responded to his question. If it's not too late, tell him, "If you cheated, I would be hurt and disappointed. And if you have already cheated, then it's time we BOTH started seeing other people."
DEAR ABBY: We have lived next door to "The Moochers" for three years. Things have gotten so bad that my husband and I avoid them at all costs, which isn't easy, as they live in close proximity to our home.
If we're on our porch or in the backyard and they see us, they always ask for something. We have been friendly and have helped them in the past, but feel as though our kindness has been mistaken for weakness and we have been taken advantage of.
The Moochers have asked to borrow our outdoor grill, pieces of our living room furniture, toys for their grandchildren to play with, permission to hang their laundry on our clothesline (which we have since removed), and have even asked for Christmas ornaments right off our tree!
Since we have started avoiding them, we have gotten a bad reputation in our neighborhood as being "unfriendly." We have asked them to return our grill, but they actually refused, saying it was GIVEN to them with a smile.
We would love some advice. -- MISUNDERSTOOD NEIGHBORS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: It's time to start doing a little public relations work of your own. If you are on speaking terms with any of your other neighbors, tell them what has happened and why you and your husband now avoid The Moochers. From my perspective, they appear to be peculiar bordering on the eccentric, not to mention extremely nervy. Avoiding them is your best defense, unless you're planning on moving.
DEAR ABBY: Is it poor manners for people to leave an event, concert, show or graduation before the final piece is played or spoken because they want to avoid the crowd or traffic at the conclusion?
It annoys me, and I'd like to know if my view is justified. -- ANNOYED IN MARYLAND
DEAR ANNOYED: If someone has paid admission to an event, concert or show and wishes to leave before the end, it is his/her privilege (or loss, depending on how you view it). However, in the case of a graduation or other ceremony in which people are being honored, good manners dictate that attendees stay until the last honor is bestowed and the last achievement is recognized.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)