To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Volunteers by the Thousands Help to Make America Great
DEAR ABBY: On April 11 you asked what your readers think is right with American society. I'll bet you were inundated with responses to that question, and I hope you allow me to be one of those who answer it.
Here in Orange County, Calif., there are more than 5,000 volunteer organizations, supporting everything from the arts to zoos. Thousands of people give their time and money to help others and provide benefits to their community. And this is just one American county. If we counted the number of active volunteers in America doing good works, I'm sure the number would be in the millions. That is just one of the things that we're doing "right."
-- DIANE J., LAGUNA NIGUEL, CALIF.
DEAR DIANE: Your hunch was on the money. I was swamped with letters and e-mails from readers wanting to contribute their thoughts. Today I'll share a sample, because I know they will bring a smile. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: What's right with our society? I believe it's our young people. I have been a church youth leader for 30 years. It's the most rewarding job in the world! Their willingness to share their love of life is exciting. They actively offer their opinions, and they have good ideas to express. This world needs color and variety, and I believe our youth are our hope for the future. -- JOHN T., SPRINGFIELD, ORE.
DEAR ABBY: I'm thankful for the Bill of Rights that has insured the freedoms we take for granted. I appreciate the safety net of Social Security that is in place for the disabled, the elderly and the orphaned. I'm grateful that medical technology reaches out to people whether in a big city or an isolated farming community. I applaud a process that allows voters to be informed about the ideas, policies, achievements and opinions of those seeking elected office.
But most of all, I'm thankful that transitions in our society which happen almost daily occur without violence or military intervention. It gives me hope for my grandchildren's future in a peace-loving country.
-- MARIE D., VERMILLION, S.D.
DEAR ABBY: I'm grateful to live in the United States, where I am free. I'm free to speak and move around the country. I am free to choose whom I elect as president without fear of suppression. I am free to choose my religion. I am free as a woman, not an entity that someone owns and dictates to.
Yes, we have our problems that need to be addressed. And now is the time for our voices to be heard. It IS "We" the people. -- GRATEFUL IN O'FALLON, ILL.
DEAR ABBY: I am a high school student in Lake Crystal, Minn. What's right about American society is our compassion. Not only do we help other countries in times of crisis, but we also care about our fellow Americans. Having family around the Twin Cities during the 35-W bridge collapse, my mind was at ease. I knew if I had family members in the collapse, they would be helped because I live in a country where people are born with the instinct to help others during a disaster. -- EVER HOPEFUL
DEAR ABBY: In our society we have the freedom to be whoever we want to be. The only thing holding anyone back in this country is him- or herself. -- KATHERINE IN RALEIGH, N.C.
DEAR ABBY: "Robert" and I have been married seven years and have two sons, ages 1 and 3. Something is bothering me that didn't before -- Robert's driving. My husband speeds, tailgates, honks his horn to make others go faster and uses racial epithets. If I say anything to him, he accuses me of not trusting him or says I'm looking for something to complain about.
I am concerned for our safety and the impact Robert's behavior has on our sons, not to mention my worry about road rage. If either of our mothers drove with us they would cringe. What can I do? -- ROAD BULLY'S WIFE IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR WIFE: You are right to be concerned. Your husband is setting a terrible example for the children. His behavior behind the wheel could cause an accident or worse.
Drivers who behave the way he does are often using their vehicles as an outlet to vent anger or frustration about other things than the flow of traffic. Your husband appears to be unhappy about something, and it's important for both of you to get to the bottom of it before he hurts someone, or someone in your family gets hurt.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ollie," and I have been married three years, together for almost six. Everything is going well, but his parents are a problem. They pressure us to visit them whenever we have time off. They live on the East Coast and we live in the Southwest, so visiting them is expensive.
Ollie wants to visit them whenever we have time off. I feel once a year is enough. I know he enjoys spending time with his parents, and I hate to have him not go because of me. But I'm beginning to resent my in-laws because I have spent all my vacations with them.
Abby, Ollie and I have never been on a trip by ourselves -- not even a honeymoon. I can't keep doing this. We have no children yet. How am I supposed to deal with it when we do if I'm having a hard time now? Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- STRESSED IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR STRESSED: That you and Ollie have never taken a trip alone is sad. It appears he and his parents are so bonded they are unable to let each other go.
Perhaps a compromise is in order. Divide up your vacation time. Suggest that Ollie visit his parents alone, and use the rest of the vacation time to take a trip together.
If you don't assert some independence now, by the time grandchildren start arriving, it will be more difficult to establish family traditions of your own.
You can try getting this message across to Ollie, but you may need the help of a family therapist to convince him to see the light. Please consider it.
DEAR ABBY: I am a "tween" who loves to share stories with my mom. When I tell Mom about my crushes and problems with my friends, I always tell her, "Don't tell Dad, please ..." She says she won't, but I found out that she tells my father everything. I am really embarrassed. Can I trust her anymore? -- LILLI IN THE CITY
DEAR LILLI: Your mother should not have made you a promise and then have broken it. It may have happened because she thought your father had a right to know what was going on with his little girl. That said, there's something YOU should know: A secret is no longer a secret when more than one person knows it.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Cheating to Get Ahead Only Puts Student Further Behind
DEAR ABBY: I am 12 and have bad problems at school. Whenever I'm behind, can't figure out a problem or just want to get it done, I cheat.
I'm home-schooled, and my mom is my teacher, which means the answer books are in my "classroom." I have tried to stop, but some-times I can't resist the temptation.
I have asked Mom to lock away the answer books, but she won't. There-for I continue to cheat. What should I do? -- CHEATER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CHEATER: Quit cheating, reorganize your time, and get extra help with your subjects if you need it. It is vital that you understand that when you cheat, the only person who gets cheated is yourself. Yes, you can "ace" a test -- but if you haven't learned the material, you will eventually pay a penalty.
Take another look at your letter. It contains two errors. At some point you will have to take responsibility for your actions -- and from my perspective, the sooner you do it, the better off you'll be.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a longtime faithful reader who has managed to ruin her marriage. I have been married to "Jim" for three years. We married after a very short courtship and had been generally happy, although I am admittedly insecure.
We bought a house six months ago. At the time, our finances were OK. Then Jim lost his job and had to get one that paid less. He forged on, but I wanted him to find something that paid more because the bills were eating us alive. I also discovered his account was always overdrawn. (We don't have join checking accounts for a reason.)
To make a long story short, when I found out he wasn't being forthright, I got upset. Another overdraft notice came to the house, and I yelled again. Jim didn't come home that night, and now he refuses to take my phone calls or respond to my text messages.
I sent him a message saying I wanted a divorce and didn't want to be married to him anymore, but only because I thought HE wanted out. I folded his things the day I sent it, and when I came home after work I found his keys and wedding band on the kitchen counter -- no note or anything.
I have tried calling to apologize. His sister says he will eventually talk to me "when he's ready." Abby, I love my husband. I would go get counseling if that's what it takes to bring him back and make our marriage work, but I can't if he won't meet me halfway. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- ADRIFT IN ANDERSON, S.C.
DEAR ADRIFT: Take your cue from your sister-in-law, and give Jim some time to cool off and sort out his feelings. He probably knows you want to reconcile, and the ball is now in his court.
Frankly, it appears that neither of you was ready for the marriage you rushed into. Premarital counseling would have shown you that your attitudes about money were not in harmony. And sending him a message (texting?!) that you wanted a divorce because you thought he wanted out was rash and immature.
IF Jim wants to try again, it is extremely important that the two of you improve your level of verbal communication. However, if he doesn't, you will have to accept it and learn from this painful experience that you can't unring the bell, so choose your words and your tone carefully.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)