DEAR ABBY: When I proposed to my wife 15 years ago, I surprised her with a trip to San Francisco. We got engaged on one of the benches in Ghirardelli Square. I spent thousands on the ring and more on the flight, hotel, dinners, etc.
Ever since, my wife has returned every gift I have given her for Christmas, her birthday, our anniversary and, most recently, on Mother's Day. It's never right. It's too small, too large, too expensive, too shiny, too furry -- too anything.
Not surprisingly, my desire to buy her gifts has dwindled over the years to the point where I never feel like getting her anything.
Our 14th anniversary is coming up. I know, as usual, she expects me to do something to celebrate the occasion -- but I don't want to waste time and effort on something she won't like and will return. I think she is ungrateful, and she will probably get nothing this time around as I am too tired to deal with it. However, if I don't buy something, I will probably feel guilty because she always buys me "something," even if it's another watch -- I already have seven, which I don't wear. What should I do? -- GIFT GRINCH IN CARLSBAD
DEAR GIFT GRINCH: Rather than "surprise" your wife with nothing, have a talk with her. Explain that buying her gifts that only get returned is depressing and suggest that from now on you shop for gifts together. That way each of you can select something you will enjoy, and you can share the "thrill of the hunt" together.