DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have a "blended family." He has a 13-year-old son named "Ryan." I have a 5-year-old son, "James." And we have a daughter together, "Samantha," who is 2.
James and Ryan got along great before Sami was born. But now Ryan treats James like a stepchild. He constantly yells at James and says things like, "Just wait until Sami is big enough to beat you up!"
What I see going on between James and Sami is typical childhood rivalry, and I take it with a grain of salt. I have urged my boyfriend many times to talk to Ryan and tell him James is only 5 and doesn't fully understand when he takes toys from Sami, and for Ryan to stay out of it. I have also tried to tell that to Ryan.
I don't want my son to feel like the stepchild he is being treated like. Some advice would be greatly appreciated. -- GOT THE BLUES IN MICHIGAN
DEAR GOT THE BLUES: There is a lot going on under your roof, and you should take none of it "with a grain of salt." Ryan may be treating your son like a stepchild because that is how he perceives him -- after all, Ryan is related by blood to Samantha and not to James. He should not be allowed to get away with it.
Also, when Sami was born, James was the baby in the family. He could be resentful about losing his place and be trying to punish Sami by taking her toys. At age 5, your son knows the difference between right and wrong, and you should not ignore that fact. Tell James that unless he wants both his big brother and his little sister to be mad at him, he will have to learn to look out for Sami and treat her like a loving brother.
Also, be sure to carve out some extra time devoted just to James, so he will know he hasn't been "lost in the middle." Praise him when he's good to Samantha and let him know there's a penalty when he isn't. Do this, and I predict the problem will subside.