DEAR ABBY: My long-standing boyfriend, "Peter," and I plan to be married next year. Peter's parents divorced long ago because his father was abusive. Peter told me about a specific incident in which his father pushed him down the basement stairs.
Because of a recent spiritual awakening, Peter decided to forgive his dad, but the man rejected a face-to-face reconciliation with his son. Of course, this has hurt Peter deeply, and it hurts me to see him go through it.
I had always thought that married couples should share the same last name. But I feel uncomfortable taking Peter's name, knowing that it was given to him by a man who abused him and no longer wants him as a son.
A logical solution would be for us to take his maternal grandfather's last name because he and Peter are extremely close. However, I could never ask Peter to give up his last name. Should I alone take his grandfather's name? I realize this problem may not seem important, but it carries a lot of weight with me. -- NO-NAME JANE IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.
DEAR JANE: While you could never "ask" Peter to give up his last name, you should certainly talk to him about your feelings. If he has no objection, you could use his maternal grandfather's name. You could also, as many women do today, continue to use your maiden name.
Or, you two lovebirds could choose a name you both like and adopt it together. After all, to quote William Shakespeare, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."