Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Program Gives Returning Vets Free Computer Skills Training
DEAR ABBY: Please help me alert your readers about an important program launched by companies in the information technology (IT) industry to educate, train, certify and provide job placement assistance for returning veterans. Military who successfully complete the Creating Futures program will have the knowledge and skill level they need to start a rewarding career in IT.
Creating Futures is free for all participants. The cost is covered by organizational sponsors such as HP, Xerox and Ricoh.
The Creating Futures program is tailored to help individuals with various levels of skill. Individuals who have honed their computer skills in the military will be taught how to transfer those skills to civilian life, and those who are new to IT will be taught the basic skills they need to pursue a career in information technology.
Returning veterans, people with disabilities, youth-at-risk and dislocated workers interested in participating in the program should visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.creatingfutures.us" ��www.creatingfutures.us� for information on how to participate. -- JOHN VENATOR, COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY INDUSTRY ASSOCIATION
DEAR JOHN: Thank you for bringing this to the attention of my readers. I'm sure many individuals in each of the categories you mentioned will be interested in learning more about the Creating Futures program.
Readers, as workers in the baby boom generation begin retiring, they will leave a significant gap in the talent pool of the technology industry. The Bureau of Labor Statistics projects that there will be 600,000 more jobs than available employees in the IT industry by 2012. This could be opportunity knocking, so please spread the word.
DEAR ABBY: I have been fortunate in most areas of my life. I have a loving husband, a beautiful apartment, and will graduate from law school in a few months. My problem is my parents are indifferent about anything I have achieved in my life. They refuse to visit our home or acknowledge my milestones -- like high school or college graduations and my wedding.
What have I done wrong to make them so ashamed of me? And how can I make them love me and show some pride in their eldest daughter? -- UPSET DOWN SOUTH
DEAR UPSET: You have accomplished much in your young life. That your parents are unable -- or unwilling -- to give you the acknowledgment you crave is more a reflection on them than it is on you. Not knowing them, I can't say what their reason is.
However, you are no longer a child. Rather than continue blaming yourself, it's time to take a long, hard look at THEM and ask yourself what kind of people would treat their firstborn child the way you have been treated. Then draw your own conclusions and go on with your life.
You can't get blood from a stone, and you can't force loveless people to love you. But you can stop beating yourself up for not being able to "please" them and go on to live a happy and useful life, and that's what I'm advising you to do.
Man Wants Out From Trailing in Younger Brother's Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old male. My younger brother, "Chaz," is 22 and has always been extremely popular with everyone -- parents, grandparents, guys, girls. He is the better-looking, more talented, smooth-talking brother.
Chaz and I have been close growing up, sharing the same hobbies and doing the same things. But ever since I can remember, people have walked past me on their way to flock around him. The only time girls talk to me is when they ask about him. Chaz juggles three gorgeous girlfriends who know about each other but are still crazy about him.
I don't consider myself ugly or awkward. I do OK. I'm thought of as the nicer, warmer one who people can talk to. I'm not bad at what I do, and I do get compliments on my talents, but often it's followed with, "But your brother ... wow!"
I know I shouldn't compare myself to Chaz, but it hasn't been easy living in his shadow and being seen by everyone as "just his brother." It has done a real number on my self-esteem. What can I do to not let this affect me so much? Should I move someplace where nobody knows him? -- CHAZ'S BROTHER
DEAR BROTHER: Let's follow that last sentence to its logical conclusion. You move far away from Chaz -- and then what? Pretend you're an only child? What if he comes to visit? What if you meet someone special and want to introduce her to the family? Only as a last resort should you take such drastic action.
It's time to start working to beef up your sagging self-esteem. One way would be to schedule some sessions with a psychologist who can help you appreciate the traits that distinguish you from your brother. Another important step would be to involve yourself in activities separate and apart from Chaz, which will help you to cultivate an identity of your own.
You are far more than just someone's brother. You are already considered the "nicer, warmer one who people can talk to." Recognize that those are important qualities and something you can build upon.
DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and still haven't had my first kiss. When all my friends are talking about theirs, I just hope they won't ask me about mine. Boys will ask, "Have you had your first kiss?" or, "Who was your first kiss with?" I hate having to say it hasn't happened yet.
Abby, how should I answer these questions -- or should I not answer at all? I don't know what to do. -- ASHAMED IN OPELIKA, ALA.
DEAR ASHAMED: A first kiss should be with someone special because it's an event you will remember for the rest of your life. Not having been kissed (yet) at 13 is nothing to be embarrassed about, so stop worrying.
As to all those "curious" boys who ask about your first kiss, it's time you learned you do not have to answer every question that's asked of you. Just smile and say, "I don't kiss and tell." Then ask them if they've had THEIR first kiss yet, and who it was with. And remember -- a guy who would talk about another girl would talk about you.
DEAR ABBY: Last year I commissioned a friend to make a one-of-a-kind model lighthouse for my brother. When my brother saw it, he thought it was hideous. I suppose I could sell it, but how should I handle the situation when I see my friend again and he asks how my brother liked the lighthouse he made? I don't want to cause hurt feelings, but I'm a terrible liar. Any suggestions? -- PATTY IN PORTLAND
DEAR PATTY: Allow me to offer one. If you are asked about the model, tell your friend that the lighthouse "didn't fit my brother's decor." It's the truth. You don't have to specify that your brother passed judgment on it and found it lacking. Then offer to sell the model back to the artist. If he refuses, feel free to dispose of it as you wish.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Girl Hanging Out With Older Boys Is Headed for Trouble
DEAR ABBY: I am 19 years old and have known a girl I'll call Emma for a couple of years. She's 14 and like a member of my family -- a little sister. My parents joke that Emma is their second daughter.
Emma is an only child and lives with her mother. Her dad is an alcoholic who is currently serving time in prison. Lately Emma has been hanging out with a group of 18- and 19-year-old boys who let her drink and smoke pot with them. People say she's just "doing what all teens do," but I have never smoked or had a drink in my life.
Should I tell Emma's mother what's going on and risk losing our relationship, or should I wait to see if it's just a phase? I feel responsible, but don't know what to do. -- BIG SISTER IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR BIG SISTER: Tell Emma's mother NOW. Because Emma's father is an alcoholic, she already has the predisposition to become one. The longer you procrastinate, the greater her chances of getting into serious trouble --and face it, she's already well on her way. The "boys" Emma is hanging out with are too old for her, and girls under the influence of alcohol and marijuana make mistakes that can affect the rest of their lives.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 26, and "Henry," my boyfriend of five years, and I are expecting our first child. We're not married, but plan to be sometime after the baby arrives.
My problem is my mother. She keeps telling me that because Henry and I aren't married, the baby's last name should be my maiden name. She says it's the law. I always believed that a child's last name should be the father's last name, married or not.
Is my mother right, or is our baby entitled to have his father's last name? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.
DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: According to the Los Angeles County Hall of Records, because you and Henry are not married, in order for his name to appear on the baby's birth certificate, he will have to sign a Declaration of Paternity. This can be done in the hospital at the time of the child's birth. However, because you don't live in L.A. County, and laws can vary in different places, check with the birth clerk at the hospital where the baby will be delivered.
DEAR ABBY: I recently celebrated a birthday and was taken to lunch by a couple who are like a second set of parents to me. As they always do, they presented me with a card filled with cash. The cash was a combination of $10s and $20s.
I opened the card in front of them, read the sentiment inside and thanked them from the bottom of my heart. However, it is always awkward because I never know what to do with the money. Is it proper to count it in front of them, or acknowledge the cash, close the card and count it later in private? -- GRATEFUL IN ORLANDO
DEAR GRATEFUL: You should thank your benefactors warmly for their generosity, close the card and count the money privately. Then write them a sweet note in which you thank them again for the amount they gave you. To count the money in their presence would make it appear you are fixated on the amount.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)