DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl. My boyfriend and I are planning for a future together. We are seriously discussing marriage.
My problem is, when I was 14, my older brother molested me. I eventually found the courage to tell my parents. They confronted him, he apologized, and we all got on with our lives. We haven't spoken about it since.
Should I tell my boyfriend about this? It has affected my life. I have trouble trusting people, and I feel this is something he needs to know. However, my brother and I get along well now. I don't want my boyfriend wanting to hurt my brother every time we have a family function. What should I do? -- TROUBLED IN AUSTRALIA
DEAR TROUBLED: Although your brother has apologized and the subject hasn't been spoken about since, it has affected the way you perceive others. And the behavior your brother displayed when he molested you shows that -- at least at that time in his life -- he had a lack of empathy for the feelings of others, namely you.
You could benefit greatly by discussing what happened with a counselor who has expertise in sexual assault, and frankly, so could your brother. However, I see no reason to discuss what happened with your boyfriend until you become formally engaged, particularly because he might react in a volatile manner.