For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
EUROPEANS PRACTICE COURTESY WHEN USING THEIR CELL PHONES
DEAR ABBY: On a recent trip to Europe I learned firsthand the meaning of the term "ugly American," which stems partly from the loud, obnoxious voices we sometimes use in public.
When Europeans are out in public they converse in low, modulated tones. They carry cell phones as we do, but rarely did I see Europeans use them, and never loudly. On trains, they walk out of the train car and answer their phones between the cars, so they won't disturb other passengers. And only once did I see someone answer a cell phone in a restaurant.
For some reason, Americans seem to need to be constantly on their cell phones. It's almost as if they have a compulsion to prove to those around them they are important or have friends. Well, they would gain far more friends if they turned off their phones and smiled or spoke quietly to the human seated next to them. -- TRAVELER IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR TRAVELER: Here we go again on the subject of cell phone manners. People who plan to travel outside the country need to keep in mind that once we cross the border we become unofficial representatives of the U.S.A., and first impressions can have a lasting impact. That's why it's wise to ask a travel agent or read up on your destination before leaving to learn what the local customs are in the place you are visiting -- and this applies not only to the use of cell phones, but also to how you dress and whether or not it's appropriate to take photos.
DEAR ABBY: I am a student intern in a small laboratory. I like my job and get along with everyone who works here. However, there's one woman I can almost never understand. She has an accent, does not articulate her words well and speaks in a low tone of voice.
When I say, "What?" or "Excuse me?" she will repeat what she said, but I still cannot hear her. I have resorted to just laughing when she laughs and trying to avoid her. Luckily, I don't have to work directly with her very often, but I feel bad because I'm not as friendly to her as I am to everyone else. How should I handle this? -- HUH? IN ORLANDO
DEAR HUH? Tell her the truth, that you need her to speak more clearly because you have difficulty understanding her. But do it privately so you won't embarrass her.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating an amazing girl, "Nina," for two months, and have fallen madly in love with her. Although contemplating marriage at this point might seem presumptuous, I'm convinced that this is where we're headed.
My concern is Nina's mother, "Joan." Although Joan is fully capable of working, she has chosen to "guilt" Nina into supporting her. She makes little or no financial contribution and works as little as possible. Nina is convinced that her mother is helpless, although Joan has never been diagnosed with a physical or psychological chronic illness.
I'm afraid that if I marry Nina, she will insist that we take care of her mother for the rest of her life. This would take a heavy toll on both the marriage and our finances. How can I make Nina recognize that my concern is valid without having her think I'm heartless? -- THREE'S A CROWD IN NEW YORK
DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: A step in the right direction would be to have a long engagement, and insist that before you tie the knot you have premarital counseling to ensure the two of you are in agreement about what the marriage will involve.
Autograph Hound Is Curious Breed to Puzzled Bystander
DEAR ABBY: Please answer a question that has me perplexed. Why do people collect autographs?
I do not understand the need for a collection of signatures, regardless of how famous -- or infamous -- the person may be. I have never had the need to brag or show proof that I encountered "someone." In fact, I feel it's a breach of a person's privacy to approach and ask for a signature.
I realize that some may collect autographs for their monetary value, but what's the reasoning behind it? Book signings, I get. Movie posters, promotional items, baseball cards and sports memorabilia, I get. But I don't understand adults (and sometimes children) approaching someone famous and asking them to sign something.
Can you explain what's the big deal? -- NO AUTOGRAPH HOUND, PONTOTOC, MISS.
DEAR NO AUTOGRAPH HOUND: While I can't speak for every autograph collector, I suspect that many people ask for autographs because it provides them an opening to speak to someone whose work they admire or whom they think is attractive. And most celebrities -- although not all -- enjoy having that kind of contact with their fans.
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Kevin" for two years. I love him very much. But when we are at home together I have to beg to make him hug or kiss me.
I know he loves me; he just doesn't like affection. In the past, girlfriends have broken up with him over this. Abby, I need more physical contact! Is this normal, or is there something wrong? -- CRAVING IN DENVER
DEAR CRAVING: It's not normal. While some men are more affectionate than others, you should not have to "beg" for affection. Eventually Kevin's behavior will make you begin to question your attractiveness.
Please understand that you cannot change another person. If this is how you want to live the rest of your life, keep seeing Kevin. If not, take a clue from his former girlfriends and find someone who can give you the affection you crave.
DEAR ABBY: I have a relative who is spoiled, immature, disrespectful to her parents and has done nothing productive in her life. I have spent time with this person because I had to; however, I do not love her. The fact is, I don't even like her.
My question is, what would I say to someone who asks me if I love that relative? What can I say that is not hurtful -- but not lie either? -- PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Frankly, I find it odd and somewhat intrusive that someone would ask you that question. However, if you are confronted, be honest (up to a point) and say that although you are related, you are not close. Then change the subject.
DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Livonia, Mich., Reader" (April 27) was ALMOST correct. Please allow me to clarify.
Every law school graduate is awarded a J.D. (Juris Doctor) regardless of his/her performance on the bar exam. However, only graduates who PASS the bar exam can be called Esquire (Esq.) Simply put, J.D. is the degree; Esq. is the qualification to practice law. -- FORMER LEGAL SECRETARY
DEAR FORMER LEGAL SECRETARY: I had relied on my dictionary for the answer to that question. Thank you for educating me -- to a "degree."
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Pigeons Masquerading as Doves Fly Safely Home After Release
DEAR ABBY: I couldn't help but notice the letter you published April 28, regarding releasing doves for events. While it's true that the birds you mentioned would not survive in the wild, you did not tell the full story regarding dove releases.
The fact is, all over the world, professionals are using pure white homing pigeons for special events. Members of the White Dove Release Professionals follow a code of ethics regarding the safety and care of "rock doves." The group's release policy requires that these birds are carefully trained to return quickly and safely home to their well-managed lofts. Upon release, they most often beat their caretakers home.
When properly and ethically done, White Dove Release Professionals can provide a beautiful release. Please let your readers know they can go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.white-dove-releases.com" ��www.white-dove-releases.com� for further information. -- LISA KNIGHT, NAMPA, IDAHO
DEAR LISA: Apparently that letter and my response ruffled some feathers, so allow me to offer another suggestion regarding dove/pigeon releases: Always make sure to use a reputable company, and that the birds they release are white homing pigeons and not ringneck doves. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: It is too time-consuming and expensive to raise white doves and then throw them to a certain death. Anyone who would release a "true" white dove at an event is an idiot.
Now for some real "education." White doves released at weddings and special events are not really white doves, but are the larger racing pigeons. Smaller white doves are often displayed in decorative cages. When it's time to release the birds, the white racing pigeons are substituted and released. The average person doesn't know the difference, and the pigeons can find their way home over great distances. -- PIGEON/DOVE FANCIER IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR ABBY: I have to admit I never thought twice about the release of white doves either -- until I attended the funeral of an acquaintance. As the casket was being lowered into the ground, the family released a white dove to symbolize the spirit of the deceased ascending to heaven. The poor creature was confused and circled the area several time before flying toward a wooded area. At the same time, a large hawk was circling nearby. Thankfully we were all spared witnessing the kill, but I doubt that poor dove, with its snow white feathers, lived to see the next morning. -- MARGO IN ZANESVILLE, OHIO
DEAR ABBY: White pigeons are banded and pedigreed, and are able to survive in the wild if necessary. Sometimes they do become disoriented due to inclement weather, but barring cats, BB guns and hawks, they return home 98 percent of the time. -- BOB IN KENTUCKY
DEAR ABBY: Allow me to inject a dose of reality. Until the invention of the telegraph, homing pigeons were the only reliable form of rapid communication. From the days of King Solomon to G.I. Joe, the pigeon corps was an important unit in every army. We love our birds and take good care of them. The white ringneck dove (much smaller) is the species that "unethical" individuals use for these purposes.
Anyone who would like more information should contact the American Racing Pigeon Union at � HYPERLINK "http://www.pigeon.com" ��www.pigeon.�org. -- JERRY HOLT, HEAVEN SENT WHITE DOVE RELEASE
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)