To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Retail Workers Have the Right to Their Own Personal Space
DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your reply to "Nicki in Maryland" (March 23), the retail saleswoman who is tired of being not only touched, but physically pulled about by customers.
Everyone has personal space, and this includes service industry employees. A light touch on the arm is one thing; to be pulled or regularly touched on the shoulders and hands is quite another. To suggest that Nicki tolerate such behavior to keep a customer, or find another line of work, is disappointing. Frankly, some customers are not worth keeping, or should be educated that retail workers are human beings who deserve to be respected as such.
Maybe Nicki likes her job. Why should she give it up because of the occasional behavior of the rude and insensitive? Perhaps the job works for her because of personal or school issues. Retail jobs often have the most flexible schedules.
As a former retail employee, I have many fond memories, but I also remember people from all levels of society who believe that we are somehow less than human, temporary slaves to be treated as they see fit, and subjected to all manner of poor behavior without recourse. -- BETH IN HAYWARD, CALIF.
DEAR BETH: You are entitled to disagree. However, I also suggested to "Nicki" that she review the company's policy on touching with her employer, stay out of arm's reach, and look for tasks in the store that involve less contact with customers. While some readers sympathized with her, others agreed with me. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: While I agree that Nicki's situation is one about which the supervisor should be made aware, I believe a firm, straightforward "Please don't touch me" is appropriate. I am a former food server. I contended with the problem on a daily basis. I also don't care to be touched by anyone I do not know. I feel that everyone has the right NOT to be touched. We as human beings need to respect this.
Nicki should, indeed, try to remain out of arm's reach as you suggested. That tends to work, as it makes the other person look foolish if they have to lean to grab you. -- CYNDI IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR ABBY: Retail employees have no less right to say "No" to unwanted physical contact than any other human being. Moreover, a corporate culture of respect for employees fosters a healthy work environment, which is far more important to sales than the retention of a single pushy, touchy-feely customer who does not respect employees. Happy workers, confident in the support of their supervisor, sell with smiles on their faces, rather than selling at arm's length in fear. -- CUSTOMER'S NOT ALWAYS RIGHT
DEAR ABBY: Perhaps "Nicki" isn't well aware enough of her surroundings. A conscious effort to train herself to be sensitive to who is around her or approaching her could solve her problem. Simply glancing up could give her a clue as to whether the person is coming to ask a question. As a result, there would be less reason for the impolite to reach out and touch her. -- ANDY IN LUBBOCK, TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: Being touched by customers happens to go with the turf in any meet-the-public job. If Nicki can't accept this basic fact, she should find a job in accounting.
Friendly people make more sales, receive more tips and earn more money. Face it: Friendliness involves a certain amount of physical contact, and it's human nature to reach out to people you like. That's why successful businessmen make a point of shaking hands. -- ALLEN IN GRAND ISLAND, NEB.
Bride to Be Confesses Her Lack of Kitchen Confidence
DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Keith," and I are being married at the end of June. We met at a fraternity party last fall and knew right away we were meant for each other. We're both in college in Hawaii. We don't live together -- and that has been lucky for me because Keith doesn't realize how inexperienced I am in the kitchen.
He comes from the mainland. He is used to home-cooked meals and has often talked about family dinners and how good his mom is at entertaining. The only thing my mom is good at is making reservations. At our house if we didn't eat out, we ate takeout.
I know Keith will expect me to cook after our wedding -- at least sometimes. I have gone to the bookstore at the mall, but all the fancy cookbooks with elaborate recipes overwhelm me. All I want to do is learn to make a few simple dishes. Can you help me out here? -- COOKING IMPAIRED IN HONOLULU
DEAR COOKING IMPAIRED: I'll try. Where is it written that after your wedding, YOU must do all the cooking? These days many couples share that responsibility by taking turns or cooking together. If you raise the subject with your fiance, you may find that Keith not only enjoyed family dinners, but also spent time with his mother in the kitchen while she prepared them.
If that turns out not to be the case, then you and Keith should consider taking a basic cooking course together before -- or shortly after -- the wedding, so you don't starve to death.
Many brides-to-be are given "recipe showers" in which friends and relatives share favorite, easy-to-prepare family favorites to ease them on the path to domesticity. I'm sure if you asked your future mother-in-law, she would be pleased to contribute some of hers.
I publish a collection of more than 100 delicious recipes for soups, salads, main course and desserts. Not only are they time-tested and mouthwatering, they are also easy to prepare. They can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
Summer is nearly here, and with it comes the promise of family reunions and visits. My cookbooklet set contains tips on entertaining, and lots of recipes to use when families get together to celebrate holidays and special occasions. Both my mother and I have used them with great success when entertaining friends and family.
DEAR ABBY: I was standing with a friend when another friend came over to us and said loudly, "You two are really short!" The friend I was standing with walked off offended, while I just stood there looking at the ignorant person and not knowing what to say. Let me explain, this isn't the first time the ignoramus has said this to me. What would you do in this situation? -- SPEECHLESS IN AUBURN, CALIF.
DEAR SPEECHLESS: Frankly, I'd probably say, "Life is short, and so is this conversation. Goodbye!" Then I'd rejoin the friend I had been standing with. I certainly wouldn't prolong the conversation.
Parents Protecting Son Cut Off Contact With Grandparents
DEAR ABBY: I am in my sunset years and not well. I know my time is short, but I have one bright spot in my life -- my 5-year-old grandson, "Connor."
Because the little fella stayed with us after preschool and spent much time with us, my wife and I are especially fond of him.
Our problem? Connor's dad (our son) and his wife (the child's mother) disapprove of our fondness for Connor. They say they don't want the boy "hurt" by my impending death and now keep him away from us as much as possible.
Abby, we adore our grandchild. We're heartbroken that he is being kept away from us much of the time simply because his parents are afraid he will grieve when his Paw-Paw dies. What should we do? -- PAW-PAW AND MAW-MAW IN ALABAMA
DEAR PAW-PAW: Your son and daughter-in-law mean well, but they are misguided in trying to "protect" their son from one of the inescapable realities of life. They may be trying to avoid their own issues having to do with death.
You need to have a serious talk with them. Connor's relationship with you and his grandmother is a positive one, regardless of the state of your health. It might be helpful to enlist the assistance of your spiritual adviser and/or your physician.
Death is a part of life, and as sad as these partings may be, children usually recover with amazing resiliency. To cheat Connor -- and you -- out of the short time you have left together is a mistake.
DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with "Alex" for almost five years. We have lived together for two of these five years and have been having problems in the last year or so.
I'm interested in getting some kind of relationship counseling, as I am confident we can work things out once the lines of communication are opened again. My problem is I don't know where to look. I often hear about marriage counseling. Is that only for married people? If you have any ideas, I'd be grateful. -- BECKIE IN BOSTON
DEAR BECKIE: Your physician should be able to refer you to a counselor who can help. Marriage counseling is a form of couples counseling or relationship counseling, and it will work for any couple -- married or not -- who are willing to work at it.
If Alex is open to the idea, some sessions could help you establish healthier, more direct and meaningful communication with each other. I hope you can talk him into going and wish you the best of luck.
DEAR ABBY: I have recently moved from New Jersey to Florida. When I am invited to someone's home for a party or dinner, I always bring a hostess gift, wine or dessert. However, when I invite these people to my home, they wrap or pack up what they brought and take it with them when they leave.
I have never experienced this where I was raised. Is this proper? -- NEWCOMER TO FORT PIERCE, FLA.
DEAR NEWCOMER: Not where I come from it isn't. The term "hostess gift" means it is a GIFT for the person hosting the party or dinner. It should be left with the host or hostess to enjoy at any time the person wishes -- and it does not have to be shared with the guests. To march into the person's kitchen, wrap and take home the unused portion without it being offered is just plain rude.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)