Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Granddad Hopes to Open Girl's Eyes and Head Off Heartbreak
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently visited our daughter and two beautiful grandchildren, "Mary" (age 17) and "Patrick" (age 15). Mary has a boyfriend I'll call "Brandon" who is all she has talked about since we arrived. She's quite smitten.
One night I was having trouble falling asleep and decided to go downstairs for a glass of wine. As I descended the stairs, I noticed Patrick and Brandon locked in a passionate embrace on the couch. They never noticed me, and I quietly returned upstairs. The boys' lovemaking did not help my insomnia.
I haven't mentioned what I saw to anybody. I am not bothered by the gay aspect of the encounter I witnessed. However, my paternal instincts make me want to protect Mary from being hurt. I don't believe in meddling, but I'm not sure keeping silent is right, either. Any advice? -- SURPRISED GRANDPOP IN PHILLY
DEAR GRANDPOP: I assume that Patrick has not yet come out to the family about his sexual orientation. If that's the case, then I don't recommend you out him by telling his sister what you saw. I do, however, think you should discuss it with Patrick, because he should be the one to tell Mary she shouldn't pin her hopes on Brandon, as he's not the person he may pretend to be.
DEAR ABBY: My twin sister and I are close, but sometimes we like to do things apart from each other.
Other kids don't seem to understand why we're not together 100 percent of the time, even though we're together probably 90 percent of the time. When we're not together, we are invariably asked, "Where's your sister?" or "Did you two have a fight?" We're tired of having to explain that nothing is wrong and that we've just chosen to do something different at a particular time.
We share a room and sleep in a double bed, so we are always very close at home. But once in a while, we like to get out and do something apart, and we don't see why others should question it. How do we put an end to these questions and comments? -- NOT SIAMESE IN MEDFORD, ORE.
DEAR NOT SIAMESE: The reason you are asked those questions is because you and your sister are together 90 percent of the time. People tend to question anything that is unusual, and seeing you apart is unusual. There is no way to put an end to the questions, but you can keep your sense of humor and respond honestly by saying, "We're not joined at the hip. We felt like doing something different today."
DEAR ABBY: Can you suggest a sincere, non-religious phrase that is the equivalent of "I'll keep you in my prayers"?
I'm not formally religious, but when I have a friend who is sick or experiencing a rough patch, I want to say something that carries the same sentiment. I'm not comfortable "acting" religious when I'm not, but I would like friends to know how truly concerned I am and how much I hope they get better. -- CARING TEXAN
DEAR CARING TEXAN: Say it to them just as you have said it to me: "I'm concerned for you, and I hope you are better soon; you're in my thoughts today and every day."
Man in Love With His Boss Has Only One Focus at Work
DEAR ABBY: When my new boss, a Marilyn Monroe look-alike, began working here five years ago, I immediately had a crush on her. Two years ago, I began working directly with her in the office and fell head-over-heels, smitten to the bone with her.
She's married, I'm married, and I have never made a pass. The problem is, I have become obsessed with her. I can't stop thinking about her all day. I dream about her at night. I feel I have never been in love like this, and it has reached the point where it consumes every second of my day.
I love my wife and would not want to jeopardize my life with her. But how can I stop this overwhelming passion that I feel for "Marilyn"? Please don't tell me to change jobs. That would be my worst nightmare. I can't picture my life without being at least able to see this woman and exchange pleasantries with her. -- LOST IN LOVE IN TAMPA
DEAR LOST IN LOVE: You said it yourself -- you have become obsessed. This "grand passion" is not only unfair to your wife, it is also unfair to your boss because although she may remind you of Marilyn Monroe, I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that she would rather be taken seriously.
As I see it, you have several choices: psychotherapy, aversion therapy or another job. Because psychotherapy can be expensive, and you won't change jobs, try this: Put a thick rubber band on your wrist. When you catch yourself lusting after Marilyn, give the rubber band a strong "snap." It will not only bring you back to the reality of the task at hand, but also the fact that you're married. With luck, you will begin to associate lusting after this woman with pain, and stop daydreaming when you're supposed to be working.
DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Senior prom is coming up, and there's this girl at school I'd like to ask, but frankly, I don't have the nerve. I know it's still a couple of months away, but I want to ask her before someone else does. Please, I really need advice. -- SCAREDY-CAT, KENAI, ALASKA
DEAR SCAREDY-CAT: There's a saying: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Asking for a date may seem risky because nobody wants to be told "no." But unless you take the risk, you will never hear "yes."
Talk to this girl at school. Start the conversation by asking her something about a class you're in together or what she thought about a sporting event. Then ask if she has plans for the prom. If her answer is no, then say, "Would you like to go with me?" It's that simple.
If talking to her at school would be too embarrassing for you, the alternative is calling her at home. If that's the way you'd prefer to do it, the directions are the same as in the paragraph above.
DEAR READERS: For those of you who live in states with daylight saving time, it begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow morning. So, remember the saying, "Spring forward, fall back," and set your clocks AHEAD one hour tonight at bedtime.
Fun fact: Daylight saving time is not observed in Puerto Rico, Guam, the Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Hawaii or Arizona. However, the Navajo Nation utilizes daylight saving time -- even in the state of Arizona, because of its large size and location in three states. (Source: Webexhibits.org)
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Woman Boldly Goes Where Neighbors Shouldn't Tread
DEAR ABBY: When our real estate agent was showing us our house three years ago, the woman who lives next door walked into the back yard where we were standing to introduce herself. After we moved in, she knocked on our door one night carrying dinner for the two of us. It seemed like a neighborly gesture. We responded with a thank-you note.
Over the next few days, food would be laid at our door, always with a Post-It note saying, "From Bea." Soon she asked us to take care of her cats and plants while she went out of town for a week. We asked if she would reciprocate when we were away -- she agreed.
After we returned from our trip, a woman I hardly knew came up to me at the market and said, "I LOVE your home! I can't believe you even have contrasting piping on the lining of your drawers!" Apparently, Bea had taken her on a tour of our house in our absence. When I told Bea I didn't appreciate it, she got angry with the woman for telling me!
Over the summer, I noticed Bea going quickly from place to place in the neighborhood with a smirk on her face. Without asking, she would take her lawn mower and mow people's yards when she felt the grass was too high. Once she tried to encourage me to help her cut back the branches of another neighbor's tree that she felt was overgrown. Her husband says she never feels guilty, only sad at getting caught.
Her most recent escapade involves a shrub in our yard. In winter it loses its leaves. I came home one day to find it "replaced." I have also discovered that she "befriends" elderly single ladies down the street, convinces them to sell at below-market prices, and turns their homes into rental properties.
What kind of person am I dealing with, and how can we handle this? Is she crazy? -- DAVID IN PHOENIX
DEAR DAVID: The person you have described is highly manipulative, does not respect boundaries and appears to have no conscience. She has no right to enter someone else's property without permission and cut their grass or trim their trees, and doing so could be considered trespassing. As for replacing your shrub, if you could prove she took it, you could take her to court and she would have to replace the one she took with one like it.
I hope you realize that by convincing the neighbors to sell their homes at below-market rates, she is adversely affecting the price of your property because a buyer would compare your asking price with that of other homes that have sold in your neighborhood.
This woman is crazy like a fox. If she's manipulating elderly people who don't know any better, then in my opinion, she's guilty of elder abuse -- and that's against the law.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently went on vacation. He invited his sister to go with us. Every night at dinner, they would reminisce about their childhood -- people they knew and things they did.
I am not from the same hometown as they are. I told my husband it was rude for the two of them to have done that. He feels we have enough "together time" and he did nothing wrong. Abby, what are your thoughts? -- OUTSIDER IN GREENVILLE, S.C.
DEAR OUTSIDER: It is normal, natural and understandable that siblings who haven't seen each other in a while would take some time to reminisce. However, to leave you sitting at the table feeling like a third wheel was inconsiderate of your feelings, if that's the topic that dominated the entire meal.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)