What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Active Fantasy Life Does Not Mean You Are Cheating
DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I have been talking, and we disagree on this. Is fantasizing about someone other than your partner cheating? I say no. What do you think? -- "BEAUTIFUL DREAMER," BRIDGETON, MO.
DEAR "BEAUTIFUL DREAMER": It is not unusual for people in the throes of passion -- or even walking down the street -- to take a fantasy side trip. It's not cheating and can enhance the experience.
However, for you and your co-workers to discuss sex at the office IS being "unfaithful" -- to your boss!
DEAR ABBY: After 10 years of marriage, I have come to a realization. I am a terrible housekeeper! I have tried learning to clean better, using new techniques or different equipment. My husband has begged, bribed and fought with me over picking up my stuff. We have a good relationship, though, and this is one of the only conflicts between us.
We by no means live in squalor, but our house is usually messy. Frankly, I'm not interested in housecleaning. I'm not lazy. I'm busy with two kids, volunteering at two different schools, preparing healthy meals, engaging in endless play, make-believe and kiddie craft projects.
My mom and grandmother were also somewhat laissez-faire about housekeeping. Their motto was always, "Happy children are more important than a clean house."
There are so many more interesting and important things to do; I get little satisfaction from housekeeping. Cleanliness is short-lived around here, anyway. I believe there are more messy homes out there than people admit. A little clutter never hurt anyone.
This problem is not family-threatening, but I would like your opinion on it. -- GOOD MOM IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR GOOD MOM: You asked for it -- and here it is. I agree that there are probably more messy homes out there than people admit. However, there is a difference between "clutter" and "not clean."
Your kitchen and bathrooms should be kept clean to safeguard the health of your children and spouse. If the problem is clothing in your bedroom that you have tossed all over, allow me to remind you that it takes only a moment to toss an item into the clothes hamper, hang it up or return it, folded, to the drawer from which you took it.
While I agree that "happy children are more important than a clean house," the two are not mutually exclusive. A disorganized house can also be a sign of a disorganized mind. You're setting a poor example for your children, who will grow up thinking this is acceptable -- just as you did. You should be teaching them to do their part, too.
P.S. Has it occurred to you to hire a housekeeper to come once or twice a month?
DEAR ABBY: My husband reads the newspaper at the dinner table almost every night in front of the children. He says it's the only time he has to read the paper.
Is it rude to read at the dinner table when there are four other people sitting there? -- INQUIRING MIND IN GEORGIA
DEAR INQUIRING MIND: It's not only rude, it's poor parenting. You're doing your part by having dinner on the table, but your husband is shirking his duty as a dad. The dinner hour is the ideal time for family conversation, for him to learn about what's going on in the children's lives and to discuss current events -- providing they are old enough. It is also a time for parents to "model" the kind of manners they want to pass on to their kids.
I don't know what your husband is doing AFTER dinner, but that would be the optimum time for him to catch up on the news rather than hiding from all of you.
Keeping Track of Passwords Is Word to the Wise Online
DEAR ABBY: Allow me to draw your readers' attention to the importance of keeping track of their online log-in information. We all know it's smart to keep photocopies of our driver's license, credit cards, etc. With as much time as some of us spend online, in addition to the billions of dollars we spend there as a nation, it's wise to keep track of sundry log-in details as well.
I keep track of the various Web sites from which I make purchases -- the Web site name, user name and my password -- because various Web sites require different information.
Please suggest that your readers compile this information in a single document and print it out from time to time. Keep a hard copy in a safe place with other important papers. That way, if anything should happen to them, family members will be able to access these Web sites, delete saved credit card information and close the accounts. -- KATHERINE V., EAST LIVERPOOL, OHIO
DEAR KATHERINE V.: You have offered an excellent suggestion, and I'm pleased to pass it along. Readers, because none of us know when an emergency such as incapacitation (or death) should strike, this "insurance policy" could be invaluable to those left to handle our affairs. (This does not apply to those of you who plan to live forever.)
To secure log-in/password information, print out the document you have created and put it in a safe-deposit box or under lock and key in a file cabinet. If you keep the document in your computer, be sure to secure it with a strong password or use commercially available privacy software.
DEAR ABBY: At what age do you discontinue using the term "Master" before a young boy's name when addressing an envelope? I have searched books without success. I hope you can help. -- MS. D. IN PORT CHARLOTTE, FLA.
DEAR MS. D.: Good question. According to my 16th Edition of "Emily Post's Etiquette" by Peggy Post: "Boys may be addressed as 'Master' on envelopes and formal correspondence until they are about 7 years old, and 'Mr.' when they become 18. In between, no title is used."
DEAR ABBY: Most people complain about their jobs because they feel they don't make enough money. My problem is the opposite. I love my job, but I think I make too much money.
My job is mostly simple work that could be done by anybody -- yet I earn almost as much as my husband, who is a supervisor in a technical field. My boss always gives me excellent reviews and doesn't seem concerned.
It's nice to have the kind of job that isn't stressful. But I feel guilty that a lot of people with more difficult jobs make less than I do. Should I tell my boss to give me a pay cut, or take the money and run? -- CUT OR RUN IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CUT OR RUN: I won't reveal your exact location because many people would kill to have your job. The answer to your question is you should neither ask for a pay cut nor take the money and run. Feeling as you do, you should donate every cent you feel you are overpaid to a charity (or to a therapist who can help you overcome your sense of guilt).
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Active Mom's Kidney Disease Comes as Unwelcome Surprise
DEAR ABBY: I was a healthy, vibrant mother of one with a steady government job. I saw my doctor regularly for checkups, since both my parents have high blood pressure. As an active, health-conscious vegetarian, I thought I was at my physical peak.
When I experienced nausea and lower back pain, I expected my doctor to tell me my 4-year-old daughter was going to have a sister or brother. Instead, I was informed that my kidneys were barely working and I needed to see a specialist at once. That's when my life began spinning out of control. I was told I would need dialysis to keep me alive!
How could this happen? Where were the warning signs and symptoms? Why wasn't my kidney function checked during previous doctor visits? There were no answers to these questions.
No one in my family was able to donate a kidney to me because everyone had high blood pressure. So I went on dialysis and learned everything I could about kidney disease. After 10 years of dialysis, I finally received a successful kidney transplant.
Many people don't realize that high blood pressure and diabetes are the two leading causes of kidney disease. More than 26 million Americans have chronic kidney disease, and millions more are at risk. Screening for kidney function is not part of a routine physical examination, and kidney disease generally shows no symptoms -- so if you have a family history of high blood pressure or diabetes, you are at risk.
Simple blood and urine tests could save your life. So please don't put off what you can take care of today. Tomorrow could be too late. -- DAWN P. EDWARDS, LAKE SUCCESS, N.Y.
DEAR DAWN: Thank you for your informative eye-opener of a letter. I am pleased that you finally got your kidney transplant because I know what a life-changing difference it has made for you and your daughter -- truly a new beginning.
Readers, March is National Kidney Month, and March 13 is World Kidney Day. That's the day the National Kidney Foundation holds free screenings in 30 cities across the country. The screening program is called "KEEP," or Kidney Early Evaluation Program.
You can learn more about kidney disease by visiting � HYPERLINK "http://www.kidney.org" ��www.kidney.org�. To find the KEEP screening nearest you, log onto � HYPERLINK "http://www.keeponline.org" ��www.keeponline.org�, or call the National Kidney Foundation toll-free at 800-622-9010.
DEAR ABBY: I have been going through a very selective interview process toward getting the job of my dreams. The problem is, I have a vacation planned for three months from now. When is the correct time to inform my prospective employer of this preplanned, prepaid and non-refundable trip? (It's my husband's dream vacation, and I would hate to have to let him down.) -- MS. PROFESSIONAL IN CLEVELAND, GA.
DEAR MS. PROFESSIONAL: Inform your prospective employer immediately that you have a prepaid vacation planned. The person doing the hiring will respect you for doing so, and you should not lose out on the "job of your dreams."
I am speaking from personal experience when I say this because when I hired my personal assistant, Sherry, she let me know during the interview that she had not one but two trips planned. I respected her candor, hired her, and consider her to be one of the major blessings in my life.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)