What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Birthday Celebration Reveals Marriage Headed for Trouble
DEAR ABBY: I recently turned 40, and because I don't get along with my husband "Ted's" family, I chose to celebrate out of town with my parents and siblings. At the end of my five-day trip, Ted picked me up at the airport and barely greeted me. He waited three days to give me my birthday gift.
When he finally handed me the box, Ted didn't even wait for me to open it. He went off to take a shower. I waited for him to finish, then opened the gift in front of him. Inside was a pair of diamond earrings.
I have never wanted diamond earrings, and I have told him so many times. I had asked Ted for cash so I could buy a new sewing machine. Why diamond earrings?
That night we had a major quarrel, and now I'll never be able to enjoy them. What do I do with them now? -- TICKED OFF IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR TICKED OFF: First, you apologize for being ungracious about the gift your husband gave you for your birthday. Then sit down and try to analyze why you and his family don't get along and why your marriage is in serious trouble -- because it is.
After that, ask your doctor to refer you to a licensed marriage counselor and try to bridge the communication gap that has developed between you and your spouse. At this point, what to do with the diamond earrings is the least of your worries.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old high school senior. I got my driver's license around the same time as all my friends -- with the exception of my best friend, "Robin." Robin lives about 20 miles from my house, and anywhere I go she's always asking for rides. The problem is that I pay for my own gas and car insurance, and I only have a part-time job, along with baby-sitting.
Robin's mom told me she planned on giving me some gas money, but she only gave me $5. How can I keep from alienating my friend when I tell her I can't afford to keep going out of my way to get her unless she contributes more? -- BROKE IN NEW YORK
DEAR BROKE: A picture is worth a thousand words. Because you feel Robin may be too sensitive to be told in plain English, prepare a chart for her illustrating the distance from your house to hers and back, the mileage you get per gallon and the ever-increasing cost of gas. Illustrating the problem may help your friend see that what you're telling her isn't a personal rejection but a reality.
DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question. If you aren't supposed to wear white after Labor Day, when can you begin wearing white again? -- DEBBIE IN JONESBORO, ARK.
DEAR DEBBIE: You can wear white whenever the spirit moves you. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette," 17th Edition: "The old rule about wearing white only between Memorial Day and Labor Day is a thing of the past. Today the question of wearing white applies to the WEIGHT of the fabrics, not COLOR. (Italics are mine.)
"Lightweight fabrics in white and pastels are worn in the warm/hot months and heavier fabrics known as 'winter whites' are worn in the cool and cold months. Since the country includes varied climate zones, the times for switching between summer and winter whites will depend on the weather where you are."
Savings Plan for Parents Is Better Late Than Never
DEAR ABBY: I'm 26 and concerned about my parents' future. They are in their late 40s and have absolutely nothing saved for retirement. Dad has a physically demanding job and won't be able to do it forever, and they are currently in debt up to their ears.
There are six kids in our family. I appreciate the fact that my parents are blowing off some steam when it comes to spending money, since they were unable to do it while we were all younger. However, I feel it's time they look at the big picture.
If something was to happen to Dad or he was unable to work, they'd lose everything. At this point, they will be unable to pay for any of their own expenses when they're older, and my siblings and I don't have money to support them. Our youngest brother still lives at home and is adopting the same spending habits as Mom and Dad.
How would you recommend we speak to our parents? They tend to be sensitive about these matters. Do you know of any articles or books we could reference when speaking to them? -- PENNYWISE IN ST. PETE, FLA.
DEAR PENNYWISE: Assuming that you and your four adult siblings are equally concerned about your parents' welfare, you should approach them as a group. It's still not too late for them to start saving and investing for their retirement years. And you and the others could help them by offering to match what they save each month. Even a small amount adds up.
If the five of you each put in $20 a month ($100), and your parents put in $100, at the end of a year they would have $2,400. By the time your father was ready to retire in 20 years, they'd have some serious money put away -- not counting any increase in the value of their investments.
The U.S. General Services Administration Federal Citizen Information Center offers free information that could help you. Log on to � HYPERLINK "http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov" ��www.pueblo.gsa.gov� and look under the heading "Retirement Planning" in the "Money" section. You'll find lots of good advice, and you can even order free and low-cost booklets on saving and investing and much more. Or call (888) 8-Pueblo ((888) 878-3256) for a free Consumer Information Catalog. Also check your local library.
Your parents may or may not be receptive to this idea. However, if you turn the matching money into a "game," they'll be more likely to go for it. Good luck.
DEAR ABBY: Last year, against the advice of my friends and family, I forgave my ex-boyfriend. He swore he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I let him back into my life and let him talk to me about marriage and the future.
Within a few months he was up to his old tricks again, chasing other women, so I had to send him packing.
How do I forgive myself for being so stupid? I believed he loved me, and I am furious with myself for falling for his charm and his lies. My family isn't being very supportive because they didn't want me to reconcile. Please help me. -- FOOLED ME TWICE IN COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR FOOLED: Please stop beating yourself up. You're an optimistic person who believed in second chances, and your ex-boyfriend abused your trust.
Now that you understand he is incapable of change, it's time to learn from this experience and go on with your life. We learn more from our mistakes than our successes -- and the lesson you will take from this is to draw the line sooner if you notice a person's words don't match his deeds.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR ABBY: From time to time you print letters about finding "pennies from heaven." Are you ready for another one?
Our daughter is adopting a little boy, and our other daughter was hosting a yard sale to raise money for the airfare to bring the child to this country.
My mother, a widow, had donated my father's racing bike. It was hard for her to let go of it because Dad had won many senior Olympic medals with it.
The bike sold the first day, and I immediately called Mom to tell her the news. Right after I hung up the phone with her, I looked down at the table where my grandsons had been helping me count change. In the middle of a pile of dimes was a penny. When I picked it up, I saw it was a "wheatie." Then I turned it over and couldn't believe my eyes. The date on the penny was 1918, the year my father was born.
Although this may not be your typical "pennies from heaven" story, I truly believe it was a penny from heaven -- a message from Dad that he was glad to contribute to our yard sale and was with us in spirit. -- JACLYN IN BALLWIN, MO.
DEAR JACLYN: And don't ever let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
DEAR ABBY: When I went to my favorite restaurant recently, I noticed that the menu had changed. I asked our server if I could have an entree from the previous menu. She said she loved the dish too, and would ask the chef if he would make it for me. He agreed, and dinner was lovely.
My fiance and I returned to this restaurant last night, and I told him I wanted to order my favorite dish again. He told me that ordering something not on the menu is rude. I don't see it that way. In fact, I would think that it would be regarded as a compliment to the chef because it meant I had enjoyed the way he prepared it for me before. Besides, the chef agreed to do it for me the last time we were there.
Who is right -- my fiance or me? -- CHEF'S SPECIAL FOR ONE
DEAR SPECIAL: Your fiance may have been afraid that ordering something that was not on the menu would be more expensive, and that's why he objected. Also, if the restaurant was extremely busy that night, I could understand why asking for something "special" might be an imposition.
However, since the chef had prepared it for you before, and because restaurants are in the business of selling food, there was nothing "rude" about your request. The next time you call to make reservations, ask in advance if the chef can prepare your special dish for you.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day, and I never see the grammar and punctuation errors I typically encounter. Are the letters you publish revised, or are only the most literate and conscientious people moved to write to you? -- ENGLISH TEACHER IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR ENGLISH TEACHER: Everyone who writes to me is "conscientious." However, there are some errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation in the letters that cross my desk.
My staff, my syndicate editors and I try to ensure that any errors are corrected before a letter appears in print. To perpetuate the errors by printing them would set a bad example or distract from the question being presented.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)