DEAR ABBY: Although I agree with you that "'Dee'-Voted Friend in D.C." (Dec. 26) needs to stop lying to her friend and building up false hopes, I think you missed the mark with the rest of your advice.
Believe me, Dee knows she's overweight and that it's negatively affecting her social life. She's just not ready to deal with it.
"Dee-Voted" didn't indicate that Dee has even asked for her advice or help, so maybe she should consider her own motivation. Does she really just want to help her friend, or does she want Dee to conform to her standards?
Abby, friendship is acceptance. If she's truly a friend, "Dee-Voted" will simply enjoy Dee and remain supportive until that special guy who can appreciate her comes along. Believe me, he's out there. -- G.D. IN BOZEMAN, MONT.
DEAR G.D.: You make a valid point. Although most of those who responded disagreed with my advice to "Dee-Voted," I feel it is important to address the issue of the health risks -- heart disease, diabetes, stroke, joint pain -- related to people who are overweight or obese. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As a chubby person myself, I'm sick and tired of the myth that extra pounds mean you can't find love. I have never been a thin person, but I've rarely been a single person.
I firmly believe that there is a shoe for every foot, and finding that shoe has more to do with having confidence and being true to yourself than being thin. I have known many women who have lost 50 pounds or more only to find the problem wasn't their appearance. It was something much deeper in their personalities.
If Dee is striking out with the men in her life, my advice is to look in a different social circle for a date. If the men she's aiming for can't see past her size, I'm not sure why she'd want to be with them anyway. -- CHUBBY AND LOVED, ALEXANDRIA, VA.
DEAR ABBY: Do you think Dee isn't aware she's overweight? I'm a lot like her, only I'm 100 pounds overweight.
Dee should drop this "friend." Nobody needs friends who are condescending or pity them. Instead of trying to find a man in a bar or restaurant, where appearance is all that is considered, she should try other avenues.
There's plenty of love for everybody, and chances are it's not only her weight that's keeping the right men away. For me, it was the chip on my shoulder -- the belief that I wasn't good enough because I was fat. Once I made peace with that, I've had them ... KNOCKING DOWN MY DOOR IN MICHIGAN
DEAR ABBY: There's no way to delude yourself into thinking you're not fat if you are. Dee is reminded of that fact when she goes to the mall and shops in plus-size stores and departments. She knows what's reflected in the mirror.
I've been fat all my life, and I have never lacked for male companionship when I really wanted it. Dee needs to believe that she's beautiful, talented and funny, and that she is worthy of love and respect, no matter what size her jeans are. When that happens, she'll find "Mr. Right." -- PLUS-SIZE AND HAPPY
DEAR ABBY: Many cultures embrace being plus-sized as a beautiful thing. As a man, I would choose a larger woman over a "twig" any day of the week. Dee is beautiful regardless of weight. One day someone like me will come along and prove that she is loved for who she is. -- ERIC IN COLORADO
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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