DEAR ABBY: I lost my father a few months ago after his long battle with cancer. We were very close, and I miss him terribly.
My ex-husband and I are not on good terms, despite the fact that we have children together. He asked our kids -- not me -- if it was OK if he attended the funeral. I told them I didn't want him there. I just wanted to grieve in peace.
A few minutes after Dad's funeral service began, my ex walked in the back door. My sister knew he had been asked not to attend, so she asked him to please leave.
I am so disgusted. My former in-laws, whom I didn't get along with either, sent flowers. I would have preferred they keep their flowers -- but at least they didn't show up.
My children are now mad at me because their father was asked to leave. I just wanted to be left alone. I don't understand why this was so hard for everyone to understand. It was my father, not his, and I just wanted to grieve in peace. -- MOURNING FOR MY DAD IN MISSOURI
DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father. Your children may have wanted their father there because they were grieving the loss of their grandfather.
According to Emily Post: "If there was ill feeling between the ex-spouse and the deceased," and I assume your father felt about your ex as you do, "the ex should not attend the funeral; instead, he (or she) sends flowers and a sympathy note." However, your wishes should not have been ignored.
The new year has begun, and the less baggage you carry into it, the better off you will be. Please try to forgive your ex for his insensitivity and get on with your life. If you can manage that, it will be less painful for you and your children. If you can't, then counseling may help you to let go of some of your anger, and I recommend it.