DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Iris," has suffered from depression for years, partly due to the success I have achieved in my life. I have traveled internationally, received scholarships, and now at 26, have a well-paying job and a loving husband.
Iris dropped out of college twice, works a minimum-wage job and has never had a boyfriend. I never brag about any of my achievements, but we talk on the phone often and she knows everything that's going on in my life.
My sister has never openly displayed any jealousy or resentment, but our mother has confided to me that Iris has been taking antidepressants for years and feels that she has never accomplished anything "great."
I have now learned that I'm expecting my first child. I'm afraid that when Iris finds out, she may be devastated. How can I tell her without sending her into a deeper depression, and how can I enjoy the good things that happen to me without feeling guilty about my sister? -- GUILTY ACHIEVER IN CANADA
DEAR GUILTY ACHIEVER: A step in the right direction would be for you to do some reading about chronic depression, so you can understand that your achievements did not cause your sister's problem. She is taking antidepressants to help her regulate a chemical imbalance in her brain that, apparently, she has been trying to cope with for many years -- which would explain why she had difficulty with personal relationships and her studies. If she's not already receiving it, psychotherapy -- in addition to her medications -- could help her.
The time has come to stop feeling guilty for your blessings. Tell your sister about the baby and let her share your happiness until she's well enough to find it on her own. It could help with her healing.