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by Abigail Van Buren

Childhood Friend Has Grown Too Adult for Her Roommate

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Justin," and I were in a four-year committed relationship. We agreed to wait on marriage and children. I never really wanted children, but if Justin wanted one, I would have his baby. He is 29, and I am 42.

Last summer I was shocked to learn that Justin and his best friend, "Beth," had had a baby girl together through in vitro. They plan to raise the child together. I still wanted to save our relationship, so I accepted his new life and tried to deal with it.

A month after that, Justin informed me that he is gay! I am devastated. We still love each other, and he wants to continue his relationship with me.

Justin does not have a man in his life -- just the baby and Beth, who live with him. He has no romantic interest in her. I am so sad without him. Should I stay in this relationship? -- CONFUSED AND HEARTBROKEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFUSED: Whatever Justin's true sexual orientation may be, he has not been honest with you from the beginning. Please do not accept his word for it that Beth is only a friend, that their child was not conceived the old-fashioned way, or that he is gay.

My advice is to cut your losses NOW. This man has a child and a live-in who will take priority over you. Accept that if Justin cared at all about your feelings, you would have been told about the baby long before its birth. So end this charade and spare yourself even more grief.