Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
DEAR ABBY: How do I make my husband understand that how I cut my hair has nothing to do with him? I am 30 years old, and I have a full-time job and three kids who are involved in everything. Because I am always on the go, I need a hairdo that is easy to manage and cute, so I ended up getting my hair cut short. I love it. It makes me feel younger, cuter and trendy.
When my husband and I started dating, I used to have long, thick hair -- but I was not aware that keeping my hair long was "part of the deal." He feels I cut my hair purposely to go against what he wants. That sounds selfish to me. Isn't it MY hair? -- SHORT AND TRENDY IN WEST TEXAS
DEAR SHORT AND TRENDY: You cut your hair "purposely to go against what he wants"? I wouldn't call your husband selfish. I would call him controlling.
Long hair can be lovely, but it does require time and care -- not unlike a pet or a garden. If he can't understand that your busy schedule no longer allows you that kind of time to devote to yourself, that's his problem. Do not make it yours.
You are no longer the carefree girl you were when you were dating. You are a woman with real responsibilities. And it's time for your husband to grow up, too.
P.S. If long hair is some kind of "fetish" for him, offer to buy a long wig and wear it on special occasions.
DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school, and I need help with something. I am a die-hard Christian who strongly believes in the whole "no sex before marriage" deal. All my old boyfriends have tried to take advantage of me. When I say I am saving myself for true love, they always dump me.
So here's the question: Do I tell the guy straight out that he's not getting any, or do I just wait until the subject comes up and casually mention it? -- DEE IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR DEE: I see no reason to announce upon meeting someone that he "won't be getting any." Give the person a chance to know you, and while that is happening, avoid situations where you are alone and tempted.
When the subject of sex comes up, explain that you are saving yourself for MARRIAGE. It sends a clear message and is less of a put-down than saying you're saving yourself for "true love," which makes it appear he somehow doesn't measure up.
DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter, "Romy," writes in a little journal that I bought her. She writes things like, "I love Blake," and "Me and Blake forever," and more. Can an 8-year-old really feel love for this boy? I always thought that girls her age didn't really care too much for boys. Am I making too much of this? -- CONCERNED MOM IN OXNARD, CALIF.
DEAR CONCERNED MOM: Little girls don't fall in love like adult women do, but they certainly can develop crushes on boys. I remember one I had on a boy named Jimmy when I was in kindergarten. I "fell in love" with him because he could swing around a pole straight-armed, and I thought he was a brilliant athlete. It was the first of many crushes. So please stop obsessing. You have nothing to worry about.
Teen Caught in a Lie Feels Trapped by Parents' Distrust
DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. I am a 16-year-old girl, and last week I lied to my best friend's parents so we could go to a movie. Her parents found out and told my parents, who got very angry and have me grounded for a minimum of a month -- depending on my "attitude."
I never used to lie as often as I do now. In the first week of being grounded, I lied again and got caught. Now they don't trust me at all, and I can't even leave my school campus to go to lunch or answer phone calls or anything!
How do I get my mom and dad to trust me again when I'm grounded? If I'm not given any freedom, then how can I prove I'm responsible? I am at the end of my rope here. Please help. -- CAUGHT LYING IN COLORADO
DEAR CAUGHT LYING: Trust is built on confidence, and it is going to take some time for you to rebuild it. Put yourself in your parents' shoes. Until you are an adult, they are responsible for your health, education and growth.
The first thing you need to do is admit to them that you have screwed up. Then start working to redeem yourself. Remember, actions speak louder than words. It isn't what you say, but what you DO that matters.
If you want to be treated like a mature adult, perform like one. Be responsible for your actions, and you will earn your parents' confidence. Look at it this way -- whom do YOU trust? Those who have shown by their actions that they can be trusted, of course. I'm sure your parents are aching to trust you. So start today to show them that they can, and they will.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dru," and I get along great. We are each other's best friend, and I believe we can make it for the long haul. However, a colleague overheard a conversation I was having with my husband and told me I sounded like his mother!
I am a deployed soldier, and Dru has been dragging his feet regarding some things we need to take care of. I sometimes feel like his mother on issues where I don't think he "gets it." I do tend to "mother" the people I love, and I would like my husband to step up more and show me more often that we're a team, not a parent and child.
It could also be that my mom and brothers reject my affection, and I like to shower it on Dru because that's how I show love. Should we set more boundaries so I don't feel like my husband's mom? -- OVERLY MOTHERLY OVERSEAS
DEAR OVERLY MOTHERLY: No marriage is identical to another. The amount of give-and-take between the spouses that makes it successful -- or causes it to fail -- is a delicate balance that is different in each one. Some men like being told what to do and when to do it -- and so do some women. Other couples make their decisions jointly.
If you are uncomfortable in the role you have assumed, talk to your husband about your feelings. When you are back stateside, it may be time for some marriage counseling if you feel it's needed.
DEAR ABBY: When picking up another couple for a half-hour drive to a restaurant, should I continue to sit next to my husband (who is driving), or should I get in the back seat with the wife of the other couple, so we gals can chat and the guys can, too? -- UNSURE IN MOUNTAIN HOME, ARK.
DEAR UNSURE: It depends upon how friendly you are with the wife and how much you have to chat about. If the conversation will be so intense that you begin to resemble Linda Blair in "The Exorcist," sit in the back so you won't throw your neck out.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Bride to Be Second Guesses Couple's 30 Year Age Gap
DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and engaged to a man who is 54. I love him with all my heart, but I haven't told my father yet.
My fiance takes very good care of me, and we have a lot in common. We get along great. We have been together for three years and have had only one big fight. We can talk about everything. Do you think dating someone twice your age is OK? -- LOVED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR LOVED: Much depends upon the level of maturity of the people involved. Some 54-year-old men are young and vigorous for their ages, and some 24-year-old women are mature in their thinking and level of experience. But you can't entirely ignore the numbers.
In a case like yours, my concern is that you still feel it's necessary to hide something as important as an engagement from your father. Does your father even know about this man? Do you plan to have children? And because your fiance is so much older than you, has it occurred to you that you might wind up taking care of him?
What I think is that you have some serious thinking to do about what lies ahead.
DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, "Hannah," had a baby last year at the age of 16. She had decided to place her baby for adoption, but changed her mind the day before she gave birth. Hannah's father and I told her we would help because we wanted her to finish high school and participate in school activities.
The problem is, she is out with her friends or at school functions almost every night while we take care of the baby, whom we adore. My concern is, how much help should we be giving her? Should we let Hannah just be a teenager until she graduates?
I think there should be a happy medium between being a teenager and being a parent, but my husband thinks we should shoulder all the responsibility. -- MICHIGAN NANA
DEAR NANA: I could not disagree more with your husband. He is doing his daughter no favors by insisting that you and he shoulder all the responsibility for that baby. Hannah needs to bond with that child. Unless she does, you will be raising it until he or she is an adult. These are important years in your grandchild's development, and your stepdaughter needs to be a part of it. Period!
DEAR ABBY: I'm so upset I can't stop crying. My wedding is in seven weeks. My fiance and I have planned this wedding for nearly a year.
Last week, my aunt told me she has only a short time to live and that she has decided to have her memorial while she is still living. Abby, she picked the day of our wedding.
It is too late and too expensive for us to change the date. We're already getting our RSVPs back. I don't know what to do. It leaves me wondering why she would choose to do this. Please help! -- DENISE IN MUSKEGON, MICH.
DEAR DENISE: It IS too late to alter your wedding plans. Unless your aunt is literally breathing her last breath -- which is doubtful if she's well enough to be planning her memorial -- ask your parents to talk with her and ask her to please reschedule it for another date. Your aunt appears to be extremely self-centered, and no relative should have to make a choice on that day between life and death.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)