Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Simple Precautions Prevent Deadly, Costly House Fires
DEAR ABBY: The number of fires in the United States has declined over the years, and while that's encouraging, there is still a real cause for concern today. In 2007, eight in 10 people who died in a fire were killed in a home fire.
Practically everyone runs the risk of experiencing a home fire. Most -- if not all -- home fires can be prevented. However, while it may be overwhelming to think about the risk, especially when spending time at home doing routine things like whipping up a meal or relaxing in a warm living room on a brisk fall evening, thinking about the risk and doing something to eliminate it can prevent a home fire from happening in the first place.
This year's Fire Prevention Week public awareness campaign (Oct. 5 to Oct. 11) focuses on preventing home fires and highlights personal actions the public can take to become familiar with fire safety hazards and learn to avoid them. Since 1922, this fire safety observance has brought attention to fire safety issues.
Everyone can eliminate fires with a little extra care. When it's time to prepare a meal or snack, remember that cooking is the leading cause of home fires. Keeping fire safety in mind when cooking, and paying attention to what is on the stovetop or in the oven, can pay off when it comes to reducing the risk of cooking fires.
Most often, these fires start when cooking is left unattended. It's also a good idea to monitor the cooking area to make sure that curtains and other things that can burn are a safe distance away from the stovetop.
Cooking causes the largest number of fires, but more people die in fires involving smoking materials or heating equipment. Taking recommended precautions where they are involved will also help to reduce the risk of people dying in home fires.
Each year, home fires kill approximately 2,500 to 3,000 people, injure another 12,000 to 13,000, and cause between $6 billion and $7 billion in property loss. Don't take the chance of becoming one of these statistics. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT AND CEO, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION
DEAR JAMES: Every year we hear tragic reports in the news about lives that are lost because of fires in the home, caused by carelessness or lack of preparedness. That's why it's so important to prepare for a fire even before one occurs.
Start by making sure that smoke alarms are installed in bedrooms and outside each sleeping area on every level of your dwelling. And remember, they should be maintained and tested monthly.
It is also vital to develop and practice a home fire escape plan, which includes identifying two ways to exit every room, and practicing the plan with everyone living in your home -- especially children. Being alerted to a fire and being prepared to escape from it will help residents to act more quickly in an emergency. The time saved because everyone knows exactly what to do could literally be life-saving.
Also, if you can afford it, in addition to having smoke alarms, consider installing residential sprinklers for added protection. To learn more about fire prevention and safety, visit www.firepreventionweek.org.
HUSBAND IS RACKED BY GUILT DESPITE AVOIDING TEMPTATION
DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for a number of years. I'm not what you would call "hot" -– far from it, actually. But for some reason, women have always been attracted to me.
It doesn't matter where I work, there always seems to be some woman coming on to me. I have never cheated on my wife -- never! I have always told the interested party that I'm married and love my wife and kids, and would never do anything to destroy what we have.
About a year ago, my wife and I hit a rough spot. I met a woman who was having problems with her boyfriend. We were attracted to each other and became quite close. We never did anything physically. We never spoke of love, and both recognized that we were only infatuated.
My problem is this is the first time I was really tempted. I resisted, thank God, but feel terribly guilty about it. My head says telling my wife would help relieve my guilt, but nothing else. Ultimately, it would hurt her.
Because nothing actually "happened," should I listen to my head, or should I go with my heart, which says to tell her everything? This is eating me up inside. -- CONSUMED BY GUILT IN N.Y.
DEAR CONSUMED: Perhaps it's time to take a good look at your conduct at work and the kind of signals you're sending to female co-workers. For one or two of them to come on to you might be accidental in a lifetime. But if they're coming on to you in droves as you suggest, it's because you're sending out signals that you're available.
I see nothing to be gained by telling your wife that you "almost" committed adultery. To do so will only create insecurity where once she had complete confidence. Nothing happened, and for that you are to be commended. Because you feel the need to expiate your guilt, confide in a trusted religious adviser who will keep your confidence. And please stop flirting with danger, or you WILL get burned.
DEAR ABBY: To my grown children's dismay, I am in love with a man who is in prison for murder. He still has a lot of time left to serve, and I'm older than he is.
I send him money -- my money -- and write him almost daily. My son thinks I'm "wasting my time," but I am happy. Any opinion? -- MARY IN COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR MARY: If you are happy, then far be it from me to rain on your parade. However, I must caution you. Inmates have been known to write to multiple "pen pals," involving them in romances and milking them for money. If you wish to continue with this arrangement, please do it with your eyes wide open.
DEAR ABBY: Our first child is nearly a year old, and I am planning his first birthday party. My in-laws and my parents do not get along, and my in-laws have threatened not to come if my parents are present.
My husband and I have made it clear that we do not agree with this. We feel they should be able to put aside their differences for one day for the sake of their grandchild. Should we bend to their stubbornness and have two separate birthday parties -– one for each side of the family? –- TORN IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TORN: Absolutely not. To do so would set a terrible precedent. Make sure your husband's parents know the time and place of the celebration and that they are welcome. If they choose not to attend, then so be it.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Stubborn Tot Plays Hard to Get With Frustrated Grandmother
DEAR ABBY: After 12 years on the West Coast, my husband and I moved back East last year with our 3-year-old son, "Adam." My parents, my husband's mom and our siblings live here, and we wanted Adam to know his family.
The problem is, our son has taken to everyone except my mother. He'll hug and kiss everyone but her. He kisses the others in front of her, but crosses his arms over his chest and says, "No!" or runs away if he's asked to kiss her.
At first, Mom said it was OK because Adam needed time to adjust to her. But it has been a year, and he has barely given her two pecks. She says Adam doesn't like her. But he plays with her and has fun with her. Mom is now hinting that I need to teach him to "respect" her. She has referred to him as a "little brat" to others (in front of me) when he refused to be affectionate. I think she's being childish.
I can't force my son to be affectionate with Grandma, and if I continue to press it, he may never be. What can I do to make Mom feel better? –- ADAM'S MOMMY
DEAR MOMMY: The subject of showing affection to Granny should be dropped. The harder you push your son, the more resistant he will become. Nor should your child be told to kiss anyone else. ("Kiss Auntie Abby! Kiss Uncle Walter!") Yech.
You say Adam enjoys playing and having fun with his grandmother. Has it occurred to you that he has turned his refusal to demonstrate affection to her into another game? Don't push. Let it happen. And please tell your mother not to let a 3-year-old ruin her day. He may be acting like a brat, but she's the grown-up, and she should be able to rise above it.
DEAR ABBY: I have fallen in love with "Chris," an amazingly thoughtful, supportive, caring man. We have been dating for seven months. We have many values and interests in common, such as religion, social justice and the great outdoors. However, Chris is visually impaired.
Chris can't drive and has trouble reading regular type or street signs. My parents, whose opinion I respect, are against the relationship because of Chris' genetic disability and his race.
Should I continue this relationship? I know real love is a rare gift, yet I worry that I may be setting myself up for problems in the future. I'm afraid I may end up resenting Chris for what he can't do, and my parents for not accepting him. I would greatly appreciate some advice. Should love be blind? –- INDECISIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR INDECISIVE: Although love is often blind, couples are better off if they go into relationships with their eyes wide open.
People with disabilities often have abilities that enable them to contribute meaningfully to the community, as well as to their families. Do they have obstacles? Certainly. Can they be accommodated? Usually.
You have serious decisions to make about your future. Your parents' unwillingness to accept Chris because of his race will cause a serious rift if you proceed. Is your love for him strong enough to marry him anyway? If the answer is yes, then you and Chris should consult a geneticist to see what the odds are of your children inheriting his disability should you decide to have any.
You are asking all the right questions. However, some of the answers will have to come from within.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)