DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Jill," and I are going through a divorce. I lied to her about money, spent money we didn't have and generally put her and my kids in danger of losing everything. I am doing everything I can to be accountable, but since we separated six weeks ago, Jill has slept with at least one person and is developing a "friendship" with my sister's husband. (I'll call him "Jack.")
I understand that this isn't my business, but Jack is spending more time with my children (ages 1 and 3) than I can because I'm working two jobs.
I told him he's not welcome at my wife's house as I pay the rent. I said the same thing to Jill, and they agreed that it's not a good idea for him to be there. It's still happening, though, and I'm very hurt by it and nearing the end of my capacity to deal with it.
My sister's marriage is destroyed. My marriage is over. While my sister and I do our best to cope, Jack and Jill are having the time of their lives playing house while I pay for it. My relationship with my children is being undermined, and I don't know what to do. -– BESIDE MYSELF IN NORFOLK
DEAR BESIDE YOURSELF: I understand your frustration, but your ability to dictate who comes to the house and spends time with your wife -– and by extension, your children -– ended when you moved out. For your own sake, I strongly recommend you schedule a meeting with the legal counsel who is representing you in your divorce and set up a regular schedule of visitation with your children. But the sooner you understand that you can't stop Jill from entertaining whomever she pleases in her dwelling, the better off you will be.
P.S. Your sister also has my sympathy, but what's going on now should be a clue that she'll be better off without him.