DEAR ABBY: I have really only loved one woman. I don't think "Debra" ever realized it, even though we were friends. Since leaving high school 14 years ago, I have not been able to keep a relationship with a woman going for more than a few months. (I haven't seen Debra in nearly 16 years.)
I tried counseling, but it wasn't especially helpful. I have done Web searches and think I have finally located Debra. It appears that she's married. I don't really think I should contact her, but I have always wondered if she felt the same way about me.
I haven't been with anyone for five years. I have always thought about what might have been, even when I was in relationships. Please help me decide. I don't know if it is closure I'm looking for, or what. -- PINING IN JAMESTOWN, N.Y.
DEAR PINING: What you're looking for is the realization of a high school fantasy, but what you're more likely in for is a cold dose of reality. Debra has moved on in her life, but you have not. You may have picked the wrong therapist or quit counseling too soon.
My advice is to stop trying to go back to high school and return to therapy before you waste any more time. You may have been spending far too much time living in the past. It's time to move on and start living in the here and now.