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Voters Value Their Privacy in Heated Election Season
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in regard to the letter from "Registered Voter in North Carolina" (Sept. 23). I never tell anyone who I voted for, not even my husband (even though I usually tell him everything). It's not that I don't want him to know, but we respect each other's rights to voting privacy. We have lots of discussions about the candidates and issues, and both research them together. We have similar political views, and through our discussions we pretty much "know" who the other voted for.
I hate when people ask me who I am voting for, and I always decline to state. My husband went to war to protect our rights -- including the right to privacy -- and more people should respect them. -- GLOVERSVILLE, N.Y., VOTER
DEAR VOTER: Thank you for writing. I was pleased to hear from a large number of readers also stressing the importance of exercising our freedom to vote. I am sure I don't have to remind everyone how important it is to vote in the Nov. 4 national election. This is a crucial time in our nation's history. Your vote will affect generations to come, so make your voices heard. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I say you should be proud of your candidate of choice and say it! If someone refuses to say who they voted for, to me it seems like that person is ashamed to admit he or she supported this candidate instead of that one. If someone asks me who I voted for, I gladly let them know. -- PROUD SUPPORTER IN COLUMBUS
DEAR ABBY: When asked, I say, "I voted for the person I want to win." If the questioner persists, I say, "I don't discuss politics. My doctor says my blood pressure is too high as it is." -- MIDDLE OF THE ROAD IN S.C.
DEAR ABBY: I answer that question by telling people I voted for "the president," because whoever wins, I will support and pray that he/she makes the best decisions for me. I believe no matter who wins we must work together to overcome the problems we face. -- JANE IN JACKSONS GAP, ALA.
DEAR ABBY: The quickest way to get people to drop the subject is to reply, "Isn't it great that we live in a country with private ballots, so we cannot be persecuted or nagged for who we vote for?" The nosy person generally changes the subject after that. -- U.S. CITIZEN, OXNARD, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a household in which my parents sat on opposite sides of the political fence. My mother had a very tactful way of shutting down conversations about personal politics by responding calmly, "We have a secret ballot in this country for a reason." -- ERIN IN INDEPENDENCE, MO.
DEAR ABBY: I have a simple answer when pollsters or friends ask who I voted for (or will vote for). I say: "I don't even tell my husband that. That's why there are curtains on the voting booth." That usually shuts 'em up. -- ANNA IN ALTON, N.H.
DEAR ABBY: When I'm asked the same personal question, I lean in close and ask in a whisper, "Can you keep a secret?" Of course, they always say "yes." Then I back away and reply, "So can I!" -- VOTING IN HASTINGS, NEB.
DEAR ABBY: I tell people I don't care how anyone votes, as long as EVERYONE votes. Sadly, not everyone is fortunate enough to have that privilege. -- ALEXXIA IN FRANKFORT, ILL.
Stranger's Kindness Touches Woman During Son's Illness
DEAR ABBY: With Halloween approaching, I would like to share a young man's act of kindness that will stay with me forever.
In October 2005, my lively and energetic 7-year-old son, Matthew, was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor. After successfully completing treatment, he was back to his old self and happily making plans for the summer. Unfortunately, by the following summer his tumor was growing back, and there was nothing the doctors could do.
One evening in July we ordered a pizza to be delivered. Matthew told me that for Halloween he wanted to dress like a pizza delivery man, and asked if he could talk to the man when he came to the house. Because of the tumor, Matthew's speech was difficult to understand. His right side was paralyzed, and his body was swollen from steroids, so I was concerned about how the person would react. I was hesitant, but agreed.
When the delivery man arrived, I was shocked to see how young he was. I told him my son was sick but wanted to meet him because he wanted to dress like a pizza delivery man for Halloween. Without hesitation the young man came in and talked to Matthew about his job. He even gave Matthew his name tag to wear as part of his costume on Halloween. I was so impressed with that young man. He wasn't taken aback by my son's appearance, as so many of our adult friends had been, and he made Matthew so happy.
Matthew was in the hospital by Halloween, but he wore the man's pin on his hospital gown. It was my son's last Halloween, and I'm thankful that this young man was so caring and considerate. His name is Jeff, and his kindness should be an example to everyone. -- LINDA IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR LINDA: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your son. Your letter touched my heart. Thank you for writing to remind my readers and me what a difference a simple act of kindness can make in the life of another person.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and I detest my best friend's boyfriend, "Chip." He is racist, homophobic and sexist. He is also blatant about his opinions, whether or not people want to hear them. All of "Sadie's" other friends agree he's a complete jerk, and not only that, he takes up all her time.
Sadie is smart. She realizes Chip has those traits. Somehow she doesn't care about his defects and looks past them. I'm not really scared for her safety. Chip seems to be nice to her.
I can't stand to be around the guy, but that means I don't get to talk to my best friend most of the time. I am trying to be nice to Chip, and I have talked to Sadie about this, but nothing works! Please help. I'm at the end of my rope. -- DIVIDED FRIEND IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIF.
DEAR DIVIDED FRIEND: Accept the fact that your friend is distracted right now, and concentrate on your relationship with the other girls in your group. You might be able to arrange some alone time with Sadie if you invite her for a sleepover once in a while -- but understand that her main focus is on her boyfriend. Until Sadie realizes for herself that Chip's attitude and behavior are an embarrassment and a reflection on her, this situation won't change.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Halloween Shutterbug Gives Concerned Mom the Creeps
DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I wasn't sure how to handle an uncomfortable situation last Halloween, and your answer will help me be better prepared this year.
I took my 4-year-old daughter and 2-year-old niece trick-or-treating. We only walk up walkways that are well-lit. As we approached one house, an older gentleman was waiting at the open door, handing out candy to the kids.
Before I could process what was happening, he whipped out a camera and took a picture of my daughter and niece. I was not comfortable with it at all. But what could I have possibly done or said without being rude? Our neighborhood is a safe area, but in this day and age you can trust no one.
Do you think it was inappropriate for an older man to take pictures of someone's children? What would be the proper way to handle it this year? -- HALLOWEEN ESCORT, SAN DIEGO
DEAR ESCORT: While I admire your vigilance as a parent, if the children were wearing cute costumes, I don't think it was inappropriate for the gentleman to want to take their picture. Of course, it would have been better had this neighbor first asked permission. But since he didn't, and it made you uncomfortable, avoid his house this year and in the future.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years. His mother has become very ill and is dying. My problem is, I don't know how to comfort him in his time of need. I am trying my best to console him, but he gets angry. I try to love him, but he pushes me away. I try to talk to him and he tunes me out. What can I do to help my husband? -- HEARTBROKEN IN ARIZONA
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You are a loving, caring wife, but please stop trying so hard to "help" your husband. Everyone must deal with death in his (or her) own way, and the things you think might console you may only make him feel worse.
What you can do is be there for him. Do not push him to express his feelings. If he wants to talk, listen. If he tunes you out, stop talking because it means he's not ready to hear what you're trying to communicate. Tell him you love him, but give him his space.
This may not be easy when all you want to do is put your arms around him right now, but please consider what I have said.
DEAR ABBY: I was recently promoted and now work closely with presidents, CIOs, CEOs and COOs and a lower-ranking member of an executive team. During meetings, some of these high-ranking individuals issue statements of fact that I know are incorrect.
I care deeply about this company, and I want a long and prosperous career here. How, when and to whom should I point out these errors for the good of the company? I have no desire to embarrass, hurt or make anyone look bad -- or to earn enemies. -- LITTLE FISH/BIG POND IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR LITTLE FISH: Frankly, much depends on the temperament of the executives with whom you're working. If the person is a self-important blowhard who needs to feel he or she is infallible, it might be better to keep your mouth shut. If, however, the misstatement could come back to embarrass the person at a later date -- or cause the team to lose credibility -- then correct him or her quietly and privately. To do otherwise could be perceived as trying to "one-up" the senior team member -- or worse, stab the person in the back.
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