DEAR ABBY: I have lived in my condo for three years. My across-the-hall neighbors moved in two years ago. To welcome them, I left a bottle of wine, some bread and a floral arrangement outside their door. I received a gracious thank-you note in return. Since then, we have talked in the hall, but socialized only rarely because I travel frequently for business.
I recently married a phenomenal man. He also travels extensively, so he has rarely seen our neighbors. When he moved his belongings into our condo, the neighbors popped over with a bottle of wine (they have a cellar) and a fruit basket. We thanked them profusely, but I handed the bottle of wine back, stating, "We don't drink, but maybe you could open it and think of us when you do."
What I didn't mention to the neighbors is the fact that my husband is a recovering alcoholic, 15 years and counting. Again, thanks were offered and I wrote a thank-you card that very night. While I was writing the card, my husband gently intimated that I may have committed a faux pas by returning the wine. He thinks we should have accepted it to be hospitable, then re-gifted it to someone else. What do you think? -- NO OFFENSE INTENDED IN N.Y.
DEAR NO OFFENSE INTENDED: What's done is done, so don't flog yourself. However, once a gift is received, it belongs to the recipient to do with as he or she wishes. And the "proper" thing to have done would have been to thank them warmly for their thoughtfulness -- and then re-gifted it to someone else.