To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I am one of your faithful readers and have personally related to some of the problems that appear in your column. I have been particularly moved by letters in which people share their personal experiences regarding acts of kindness.
As a foster child, I was lucky to have been placed in a secure and loving home. I try each and every day to pass on the love that I have received (from both my biological family and my extended one) to the people I meet. It can be a gesture as simple as helping to carry someone's groceries to the car, or offering a ride to a mother with small children whose car has broken down or a parent pushing a stroller in the rain.
I hope I will be able to teach this trait to my children. I would like them to help others because it is the right thing to do, not because there is a benefit to be reaped.
So please, fellow readers, pay it forward. Help others not only because it feels good, but also teaches our kids that being a good person is its own reward. -- ANDI IN ATLANTA
DEAR ANDI: Thank you for an "upper" of a letter. I am certain that you will pass along to your children the lesson of selfless giving because children learn by example. And lucky they are to have a parent like you.
DEAR ABBY: When is it OK to correct the mispronunciation of a word? I need to, but I'm not sure how to go about it.
My husband, "Rob," is an intelligent and educated man, but he has no idea how to pronounce some words that he uses on a daily basis. Most of these words pertain to Rob's hobby, which is salt-water aquariums, and I'm afraid his credibility is taking a beating because of it. He talks about his tank a lot. Rob knows what he's talking about, but he doesn't know how to say it. Should I say something to him? -- TREADING WATER IN HAWAII
DEAR TREADING: It is no more "snobbish" to say to one's mate, "Honey, I love you, but you're mispronouncing that word," than to tell him that his zipper is open. It shows that you care. When you mention it, do it in private, and be sure to have a dictionary close by. After that, what he chooses to do about it is his choice.
DEAR ABBY: I was married in November, and one of my co-workers, "Brooke," attended the ceremony. Her gift to me was a vase. When we opened the box, my husband and I discovered that the vase was engraved with Brooke's and her husband's names and their wedding date. Tucked inside the vase was a card from the couple who had given it to them for their wedding.
How should I handle this? Should I return the vase to her, or ignore it and give it to Goodwill? -- JENNIFER IN PORT ORCHARD, WASH.
DEAR JENNIFER: Neither. Remove the card, re-wrap the gift, and give it to Brooke on her next anniversary.
Start the New Year by Taking Small Steps to Big Changes
DEAR READERS: The new year has arrived, and with it our chance for a new beginning. This is the day we discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I am sharing Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- which were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.
I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.
Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader who lives in New Delhi, India:
DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."
The following prayer of Saint Francis contains a powerful message:
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
"Where there is injury, pardon;
"Where there is doubt, faith;
"Where there is despair, hope;
"Where there is darkness, light;
"Where there is sadness, joy;
"O Divine Master, grant that I may not as much seek to be consoled as to console;
"To be loved as to love.
"For it is in giving that we are pardoned;
"It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
And so, Dear Readers, may this New Year bring with it peace and joy. -- LOVE, ABBY
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Boy's Casual Nudity Perplexes Longtime Neighbor
DEAR ABBY: I have lived next door to the "Smiths" for 18 years. They're nice people. When problems have arisen, they have helped me out, and I have done the same for them. We're good neighbors and friends.
I have known the Smiths' children their whole lives. Their daughter is now 17. Their son was born a year later.
My question: Is it normal for a 16-year-old boy to walk around the house naked, in plain view of family members? No one seems to notice or care. There are no looks or comments.
In the morning he gets up around 6:45. He walks into the kitchen and fixes a bowl of cereal. Then he stands at the counter, watching the morning sports shows while eating his breakfast in the nude. There is absolutely no evidence of arousal of any kind. When the bathroom becomes available, he goes in for a shower.
I have never seen any of the other family members naked. This boy has no compunctions about being seen by his father, mother, sister or next-door neighbor. He's been nude in my presence dozens of times. I know it's common for little boys to run around without clothes on sometimes, but, Abby, he's not a little boy anymore. -- CLOTHES-MINDED IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CLOTHES-MINDED: Standards regarding nudity vary from family to family, and obviously the Smiths are casual and open-minded on the subject. It's possible that you have been their neighbor so long that the young man considers you part of the family.
Because he has matured sufficiently that his nudity now makes you uncomfortable, you should hang curtains on your windows that face the Smiths' kitchen -- and before dropping over there, call to ask whether he's presentable. If he's not, then don't go over.
DEAR ABBY: My mother has been a single parent for the last seven years. She doesn't have any really close friends -- there are two women she goes out with occasionally, but all she does is complain about them. She seems to have forgotten what makes her happy and who she is.
I may be biased, but I think Mom is an amazing person. I'm in college now, but whenever I'm home I always try to spend lots of time with her and make her happy.
How can my mother make new friends or start a new relationship? How can she figure out what she likes and be a happier person? -- WANTS TO HELP MOM IN PHILLY
DEAR WANTS TO HELP MOM: You are a loving and caring daughter, but you can't "make her happy." Only she can do that.
It is possible that losing your father (through death or divorce) has caused your mother to withdraw and go into a depression. Most depression is treatable if the person is willing to discuss the problem with a mental health professional. However, this is a step that you cannot make for her.
Your mother needs to look beyond herself, volunteer some of her free time to the community, and allow herself less time to wallow in her discontent. In that way she will meet new friends and perhaps find a new relationship. But none of this can happen until she herself decides to reach out.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you are partying tonight to celebrate the arrival of the new year, please don't drink and drive. Make sure you have a designated driver.
I wish you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous 2008! -- LOVE, ABBY
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)