Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Start the New Year by Taking Small Steps to Big Changes
DEAR READERS: The new year has arrived, and with it our chance for a new beginning. This is the day we discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I am sharing Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- which were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.
I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.
Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader who lives in New Delhi, India:
DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."
The following prayer of Saint Francis contains a powerful message:
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
"Where there is injury, pardon;
"Where there is doubt, faith;
"Where there is despair, hope;
"Where there is darkness, light;
"Where there is sadness, joy;
"O Divine Master, grant that I may not as much seek to be consoled as to console;
"To be loved as to love.
"For it is in giving that we are pardoned;
"It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
And so, Dear Readers, may this New Year bring with it peace and joy. -- LOVE, ABBY
Teen Boy's Casual Nudity Perplexes Longtime Neighbor
DEAR ABBY: I have lived next door to the "Smiths" for 18 years. They're nice people. When problems have arisen, they have helped me out, and I have done the same for them. We're good neighbors and friends.
I have known the Smiths' children their whole lives. Their daughter is now 17. Their son was born a year later.
My question: Is it normal for a 16-year-old boy to walk around the house naked, in plain view of family members? No one seems to notice or care. There are no looks or comments.
In the morning he gets up around 6:45. He walks into the kitchen and fixes a bowl of cereal. Then he stands at the counter, watching the morning sports shows while eating his breakfast in the nude. There is absolutely no evidence of arousal of any kind. When the bathroom becomes available, he goes in for a shower.
I have never seen any of the other family members naked. This boy has no compunctions about being seen by his father, mother, sister or next-door neighbor. He's been nude in my presence dozens of times. I know it's common for little boys to run around without clothes on sometimes, but, Abby, he's not a little boy anymore. -- CLOTHES-MINDED IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CLOTHES-MINDED: Standards regarding nudity vary from family to family, and obviously the Smiths are casual and open-minded on the subject. It's possible that you have been their neighbor so long that the young man considers you part of the family.
Because he has matured sufficiently that his nudity now makes you uncomfortable, you should hang curtains on your windows that face the Smiths' kitchen -- and before dropping over there, call to ask whether he's presentable. If he's not, then don't go over.
DEAR ABBY: My mother has been a single parent for the last seven years. She doesn't have any really close friends -- there are two women she goes out with occasionally, but all she does is complain about them. She seems to have forgotten what makes her happy and who she is.
I may be biased, but I think Mom is an amazing person. I'm in college now, but whenever I'm home I always try to spend lots of time with her and make her happy.
How can my mother make new friends or start a new relationship? How can she figure out what she likes and be a happier person? -- WANTS TO HELP MOM IN PHILLY
DEAR WANTS TO HELP MOM: You are a loving and caring daughter, but you can't "make her happy." Only she can do that.
It is possible that losing your father (through death or divorce) has caused your mother to withdraw and go into a depression. Most depression is treatable if the person is willing to discuss the problem with a mental health professional. However, this is a step that you cannot make for her.
Your mother needs to look beyond herself, volunteer some of her free time to the community, and allow herself less time to wallow in her discontent. In that way she will meet new friends and perhaps find a new relationship. But none of this can happen until she herself decides to reach out.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you are partying tonight to celebrate the arrival of the new year, please don't drink and drive. Make sure you have a designated driver.
I wish you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous 2008! -- LOVE, ABBY
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Woman Wonders if It Is Ok to Settle for Mr. Almost Right
DEAR ABBY: It seems I will never meet my "Mr. Right." Every person I'm attracted to is either in a relationship or doesn't like me.
My questions are: (A) When is it OK to just "settle"? and (B) Do you have to be attracted to your Mr. Right, and/or can you take the risk that the "supposed" sparkle/love will come in time? -- TIRED OF DATING, LANDOVER, MD.
DEAR TIRED OF DATING: My answer to question A is it depends upon what you mean by "settle." If you have to ask yourself if you are settling, then you probably are -- and I don't recommend it.
As to question B, "love" and "sparkle" are not the same thing. Unless you marry someone you truly LIKE, your marriage probably won't make it to the finish line. Marriage to the wrong person is like having a cellmate, not a partner.
DEAR ABBY: Our sister, "Dolly," is a control freak. She has been like this her whole life. Her husband died years ago, and the last thing he said to us was that he was better off dead than living the life he was living with her.
Dolly is now involved with a new man. They are living together, and she's doing the same thing to him that she did with her husband. We're not sure if we should warn him about her or leave it alone. They are planning to be married next summer.
I think he is having second thoughts, but is waiting to see if she changes. We can tell he's unhappy. Should we warn him or not? -- CRYSTAL IN CLEVELAND
DEAR CRYSTAL: Dolly's live-in is an adult and capable of making his own choices, so it should not be necessary to announce to him that his fiancee is a control freak. If he's unhappy now -- as you say he is -- his plans could change drastically by next summer. Keep your fingers crossed and your mouths shut.
DEAR ABBY: Some new neighbors moved into our beautiful neighborhood recently. This couple, who seem very nice, have gotten an adorable puppy I'll call "Taffy."
Taffy is now about 6 months old. They leave her in front of their house, completely alone, for most of the day and all night. From what we can see, that poor dog is never allowed inside. Taffy craves affection, and we all stop to pet her whenever we go by the house, just to allay some of her loneliness and boredom.
How should we deal with this painful situation? Do we dare say anything to the owners -- which will obviously cause "neighbor difficulties"? Please advise. -- SALLY IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR SALLY: Your neighbors may be nice people, but they have no clue about being responsible pet owners. If you or your neighbors approach them about the way they are neglecting their pet, they will become defensive, as if you had criticized the way they were raising their child. Therefore, it would be better for all concerned -- and that includes Taffy -- to notify the SPCA or your nearest animal shelter because the situation you have described is animal neglect.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)