DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Nancy," and I have been married 3 1/2 years. We've always had our differences -- our taste in music and movies, and the fact that she's a social butterfly and I'm not. But we've always been loving and had similar goals and interests in other areas of life.
About four months ago, Nancy met a guy on MySpace. He's from southern Oklahoma; she's from Dallas. They hit it off right away and are now self-declared "best buds." I don't doubt that they are just friends. However, he always says how much he "cares" for her. They spend many hours a day talking to each other on the computer. I have voiced my concerns, which have been met with stiff resistance.
Now my wife is planning a trip to Dallas -- where her parents live -- to spend a week with them and this guy that she met online. I don't think anything is going on now, but I suppose it could happen.
What really bothers me is the amount of time they spend on the computer and leaving messages for each other when they aren't both on. It leaves no time for our marriage. It also tells me that Nancy isn't getting what she needs from me or is bored with me because she makes the choice to continually talk with him instead.
I have already told her I want a divorce based on the premise that "If marriage is a flame, she is snuffing it out."
Is this a sound choice on my part? Doing this is very difficult, and it's just begun. And yes, I am filled with so much anger, frustration and rage that it's hard to hold on. -- HURT BEYOND WORDS, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA
DEAR HURT: Your wife is having an emotional affair, and you have every right to feel the emotions you're experiencing. However, instead of telling her you want a divorce, you should have told her you wanted marriage counseling to see if the two of you could iron out your differences. If it isn't too late, please try it before she leaves for Texas, because if she goes, your problems will only compound.
I also recommend that you discuss the situation with your in-laws and try to enlist their help. I'm sure they will be less than thrilled to know that she's using her prospective visit as a way of meeting her new "best bud."