DEAR ABBY: I have a 23-year-old daughter I'll call "Whitney." She got pregnant five years ago, dropped out of school, and moved in with her boyfriend, "Tim." They are now a family with my granddaughter.
Three years ago, Whitney and Tim mentioned having a wedding and splitting the cost three ways -- between Tim's parents, me and them. (I was OK with a small, simple wedding.) Then, two years ago, they decided to elope with no one invited except Tim's parents.
Now Whitney has decided she wants a large wedding with 300 guests, most of whom are Tim's family and friends, along with her father's family. She says she doesn't "feel" married without walking down the aisle as a bride and her father giving her away. (Her father and I are divorced.)
Abby, my family lives halfway across the country. Only my son and I would be attending. The problems started when I told Whitney that I would not fund this expensive affair and that she is already married -- plus, I was not invited to her first wedding.
This has created a rift between us, and I'm not sure what to do. I don't feel it's right to fund a second wedding. I offered her a week at a resort for a honeymoon. She refused my offer and has disowned me. What should I do? -- QUESTIONING IN NEW YORK
DEAR QUESTIONING: Your daughter appears to have an unusually inflated sense of entitlement. Nowhere is it written that a parent is obligated to fund an extravaganza like the one she has in mind. A first wedding is a gift that some parents give to their children. However, your daughter chose to elope. The fact that Tim's parents were invited while you were excluded should be a clue as to how you rate with her.
Your offer to treat Whitney and her husband to a second honeymoon was generous under the circumstances. You are her mother, not her personal piggy bank. I hope you will stick to your guns and not permit her to blackmail you -- because that is exactly what she is trying to do.