DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband and I had to go back to our home state for a family funeral. We have been married more than 25 years. While we were there, his ex-wife came to his father's home (we were staying there), and later to the visitation and funeral. She and I seemed to hit it off well.
On the way home, my hubby told me she waited until I left the room, then kissed him on the cheek in front of the whole family and told him she still loves him. That's not all. I asked him if, for one minute, he was sorry he had married me. He said, and I quote, "No, but if I had known she still loved me, I would have never remarried." I was crushed.
After we got home he told me he would not leave me for her, but if I should die before him, he would be knocking on her door. That also hurt.
Abby, she hadn't seen him or anyone else in the family for 25 years! Why would she even show up at the funeral if not for wanting to see if she could get back with him? I can't seem to get over the feeling that my husband never was really in love with me -- that maybe he just married me so he would not be alone. What should I do? Should I even bring this subject up to him again? It has been five months and I am ... BROKENHEARTED IN FLORIDA
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your husband appears to lack sensitivity, good judgment and empathy for the feelings of others. He also appears to lack common sense, if he expected you would not take his comments personally.
I don't think raising the subject would get you the result you are looking for. But my advice is not to obsess about this. It's water under the bridge, and possession is nine points of the law. Besides, women have a longer life expectancy than men, so the odds are in your favor.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter you printed from "Wondering," whose parents don't want her to attend the same college as her brother. I think her parents should allow her to go to the same college. She will have completely different experiences than her brother -- joining different clubs, playing different sports. If her major is different, she won't even have the same classes that he does. Her college life will be entirely different because each person gets out of the experience what he or she puts into it.
Also, I do not understand her parents' statement that she look elsewhere because she has "followed her brother" through school. If they lived in the same house, then they would've attended the same schools in their district. -- PAULA IN WENONAH, N.J.
DEAR PAULA: I told "Wondering" that her parents appeared to be intelligent people, sensitive to the needs of both of their offspring, and that having a college experience entirely on her own could be a growth opportunity for her.
My reasoning was as follows: The parents know her and her brother well, their personalities, their strengths and their weaknesses. It is possible that the son has always been a "big man on campus," and "Wondering" has coasted along in his reflected glory. Or, if the reverse is true -- and the girl has always outshone her brother -- then the young man should not have to be overshadowed once again by his sibling at the same college.
That said, not one reader I heard from -- and I heard from quite a few -- agreed with my answer. Ouch!
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