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DEAR ABBY: Last spring, my neighbor was getting way too friendly with my husband. They worked together. She helped him get the job and acted as his supervisor.

She started calling our house three or four times a day to talk about subjects unrelated to work. They worked nights, but I discovered they talked for hours during the day while I was at work. I also learned they went to the movies together occasionally. I suspect that far more than that went on.

Of course, I went into a rage. Things got messy, and I moved out of our house for a few weeks. We have somewhat repaired the marriage, but I will never love or trust my husband the way I did before. I have not talked to the neighbor since this incident, but my husband revealed that when she heard I moved out, she ended the socializing. (He still has the job.)

During the holidays, this neighbor's children delivered a meat and vegetable casserole to our house, apparently as a gesture of friendship.

What should I do? Send her the dish back? -- JILL IN FLORIDA

DEAR JILL: It seems only logical. She returned your husband. You should return her dish.

DEAR ABBY: My wife just had a D and C because the baby was dead. There was no heartbeat. My problem is my wife doesn't want to talk about it.

I love my wife more than any woman I have ever known. It hurts me more than words can express that she keeps this to herself. I love her and want to hold her, but she is pulling away. It's as if she feels this is my fault. I would like for us to cry together over the loss of our baby. How do I get through to her that this is what we need to do? -- SAD HUSBAND IN OHIO

DEAR SAD HUSBAND: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your baby. Everyone deals with loss differently. Your need to talk and cry may not be what your wife is ready to do at this time.

It would be helpful for you to contact your clergyperson and inquire about grief support groups and a grief therapist for yourself and your wife. Please clip this letter, show it to her, and ask her to go with you. If it hasn't already been done, consider holding a memorial service for the baby.

An organization that can help is The Compassionate Friends. Members are parents who have experienced the loss of a child. To learn more about them, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.compassionatefriends.org" ��www.compassionatefriends.org� or call toll-free (877) 969-0010.

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about the number of people who say their pets drink from the toilets.

I've had dogs and cats over the years, and have never allowed them to drink from the toilet. I always have fresh water for them in a bowl in the kitchen, a bowl on the patio and another in the yard. Animals simply must have fresh water.

The reason I'm alarmed is today I purchased a toilet bowl cleaner in tablet form to put into the toilet tank. The instructions warn that these tablets are extremely poisonous and may cause fatalities if ingested. So what about all these thirsty animals that are desperately getting their water from toilets?

Please print this, Abby. It might save some pets' lives. -- PET LOVER IN CHULA VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR PET LOVER: Thank you for your warning. Readers, if you have pets who roam around your house, always keep the lid of your toilets down!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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