To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
News of Bachelor Uncle's Son Surprises Family at Funeral
DEAR ABBY: I recently attended the funeral of my beloved Uncle Joe. Uncle Joe had never married and had no children -- or so everyone thought. At the funeral a woman came up to me, showed me a photograph, and claimed it was Uncle Joe's 31-year-old son who, she said, is stationed in the Navy in another state. The resemblance is truly remarkable!
She loaned me the picture and gave me her address. I have so many questions I wish I had asked her, but didn't feel comfortable doing it right then. I would write her a letter, but I have no idea where to start or what to say. Have you any suggestions? -- THROWN FOR A LOOP, LEWISTON, IDAHO
DEAR THROWN FOR A LOOP: You did not mention whether your uncle had a will when he died, or whether he owned any property, so before contacting this lady you should discuss this with the rest of the family and the family lawyer. Your legal representative might want to contact the woman or the alleged son regarding any claim he might have on Uncle Joe's estate.
As to sending a letter, take your cue from the person who's representing you.
DEAR ABBY: Children need more than paper, pencils and a lunch box to be prepared for this school year. They also need health care coverage. Children who have health insurance are better prepared to learn in school and better equipped to succeed in life.
Unfortunately, nearly 3.3 million children in the United States are uninsured. That means one out of every 10 kids might not receive the medical care they need, when they need it.
The good news is most uninsured children are eligible for low-cost or free health care coverage through Medicaid or the State Children's Health Insurance Program. These programs exist in every state and the District of Columbia and cover doctor's visits and prescriptions, but many parents may not believe their kids are eligible. Because these parents are working, they may think they earn too much money to qualify.
Anyone who cares about an uninsured child -- that includes grandparents, teachers, day care providers, ministers and others -- can do his part by telling parents about these programs and urging them to get more information.
Abby, I know you share my concern that these children be allowed to start the school year off right -- with good health and access to health care. Thank you for helping us connect children with the services they need. -- RISA LAVIZZO-MOUREY, M.D., PRESIDENT AND CEO, ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON FOUNDATION
DEAR DR. LAVIZZO-MOUREY: You're welcome. I'm pleased to help you spread the word about this important program for low-income families. With children heading back to school, your letter is a timely one.
Readers, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation sponsors a program nationwide called Covering Kids and Families, and invites parents of uninsured children to call (toll-free) (877) 543-7669 ((877) KIDS-NOW) to find out if your children are eligible. The need is great, so please don't wait to place that call.
DEAR ABBY: I am being married this fall. When we booked the minister last year, he seemed like a nice man. We have since found that he's very overbearing and micromanages everything.
What would be a discreet way of telling him that we no longer want him to perform our ceremony? We have already booked someone else. -- VERBALLY BATTERED BRIDE-TO-BE
DEAR VERBALLY BATTERED: Tell him your "plans have changed" and you will no longer be needing his services. (He may think that the wedding is off.)
If he starts questioning you, then tell him exactly what you have told me. Because his personality is affecting his business, he needs to hear it. You'll be doing him a favor in the long run.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore in a good university, studying chemical engineering. My mother feels that since I'm studying such a potentially rewarding and well-paying field, I should date only other engineers or pre-med students. She says she wants me to date people who will benefit me if we stay together.
Earlier this year, I met a girl who goes to a local community college and plans to be a teacher, and introduced her to my mother on the phone. Afterward, my mother asked me what school and major she was in. When I told her, she said I could do better and should date people on my own level.
This was extremely hurtful. My mother never gives the girls I introduce her to a chance. I really like this girl and don't want something like this to interfere. What can I do about my mother's narrow-minded thinking? -- HURT IN HACKENSACK, N.J.
DEAR HURT: Not much, I'm afraid. You view selecting a partner from a romantic perspective. From your mother's perspective, it will be a financial merger. I'm sure your mother wants you to be happy as much as you do. However, you are not an extension of her -- and only you can determine what qualifications are important to you in a life partner. When you are fully mature you will understand this and make your own decision without seeking her approval.
DEAR ABBY: During our visit to my family at Thanksgiving two years ago, my father made advances toward my wife. He was drunk at the time. My wife told me about it after we had left. I fully support her and do not question what occurred.
The problem is my mother and the rest of the family are wondering why we no longer visit. (It's about 18 hours away by car.) I am running out of excuses, and my wife has made it clear that she's not comfortable going back to visit with my dad there.
I don't want to put my wife in that position, but I do want my daughters to visit with my mother and the rest of the family, including nieces and nephews. I feel like I need to confront this, but I'm not sure how. Any advice? -- ON THE SPOT IN KATY, TEXAS
DEAR ON THE SPOT: You wouldn't be on the spot had you dealt with this at the time it occurred. Your mother should be told the truth about why you have stayed away. I don't know how much or how often your father drinks, or if he has pulled this on any of the other women in the family. But as it stands, your daughters should not visit their grandparents unless they are strictly supervised by you and their mother.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ryan," who is 10 years older than I am, for only two months. He treats me like a princess, but he does not want to have a committed relationship. His last relationship, which lasted three years, was not very good. He has been separated from her for 10 months and still hasn't gotten over her.
I have recently divorced after a marriage of many years. I would like for Ryan and me to be more than friends, but he is unwilling at this point.
Should I give this more time and just stay "friends" -- as he calls us -- for a while, until he is over his previous relationship and has a clear mind on what he wants? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN KENTUCKY
DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Absolutely. Because, if I have read your letter correctly, you have no other choice if you want a relationship with Ryan.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Something Other Than Love Was in the Air at Reception
DEAR ABBY: I am a professional disc jockey with more than 30 years' experience. I am on radio, and also entertain at weddings and private parties on weekends. Over the years, I have been amazed at the number of parents who take small children to wedding receptions and then proceed to turn the toddlers loose while they kick back and enjoy themselves.
Last weekend, such parental lack of supervision, combined with adult stupidity, had disastrous consequences.
I had just played the "first dance" songs and was playing a song for the bride, who wanted to have a special dance with her grandfather. About midway through the song, a woman came running to my table saying, "There's something wrong with the air! My throat is burning!" I looked up and the bride was holding her hand to her throat, gesturing at me to stop the music. About that time, about half the crowd started running for the door and out into the parking lot.
A minute or two later, one of the staff informed me that someone had let loose pepper spray into the hall. They threw open the doors and windows and, after 15 or 20 minutes, things began to return to normal.
It turned out that someone had left a keychain with a small canister of pepper spray sitting on a table. A child about 4 years old, who was running loose through the hall, picked up the keychain, saw the shiny container with a button on the top -- and pushed it. Talk about a great party stopper. Most of the guests who left the room never returned -- and all because someone left his or her kid unsupervised, running amok, and because an adult with cranial-rectal syndrome left a container with a toxic chemical on a table where a child could pick it up.
Please, parents. If you must bring a child to a reception, make sure that child is properly supervised. Otherwise, get a baby sitter and leave the child at home. -- "THE VELVET VOICE" IN HILLIARD, OHIO
DEAR VELVET VOICE: I hear you loud and clear. Now if the guilty parties will pay attention and not tune you out, perhaps fewer adult festivities will be ruined.
DEAR ABBY: A distant cousin I'll call "Maggie" stayed with my husband and me while she was visiting our area. We were friendly with her parents and aunts, and hadn't seen her since her wedding years ago.
She proceeded to tell us that her aunt, whom we adored, had been a kleptomaniac. (This aunt has been dead about 10 years. Why tell us?)
When Maggie left, she took an expensive pair of scissors off the table. Nobody else was here, so it had to be her. Abby, this woman is a pharmacist and an only child. She's very well-off. We wined and dined her, and sent her off with some local gourmet items.
I want to write and tell her we know she took the scissors, but my husband tells me I should forget it. They were very special scissors -- heavy-duty -- and I miss them. What would you do? -- MIFFED IN CHICKOPEE, MASS.
DEAR MIFFED: It appears that, like her aunt, Cousin Maggie has a compulsion to steal. It has nothing to do with her wealth or social status -- it's a sickness.
If it will make you feel better, you could write her and ask her if she packed them "by mistake." But don't hold your breath waiting for her to admit it. If I were you, I'd buy another pair of scissors and not invite her back.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)