DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and very much in love with "John," the man of my dreams. I know what I want, and I'm on the road to achieving it. I have had my "fun," and hope one day to start a family. Granted, it may not be for another two, five or 10 years -- but hopefully sooner.
This brings me to my predicament. John has told me he's not sure he ever wants to marry. He assured me that if, one day, he decides to be married, if it's not to me, then it will be to someone just like me.
I think John is worth waiting for while he decides, but I refuse to be his girlfriend for the rest of my life. Much as I love him, it would devastate me 10 years down the road if he finally decided not to marry at all.
I don't know what to do. I live on my own with no mother to run to for advice. I have always taken your answers to heart and applied them to my own life. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. -- MINDY IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR MINDY: John may be an absolute doll, but you have described someone who has made it plain he is not ready for a serious commitment. Has it occurred to you that he may be trying to keep you from getting your hopes up where he is concerned? My advice is to keep your options open, and do not sit around waiting for him to grow up and recognize what a catch YOU are.
DEAR ABBY: As an active member of Overeaters Anonymous, I am open and honest with friends about my commitment to better health and understanding the foods I can and cannot eat. I am hoping you can provide me with a kind and gentle response to someone who presents me with a special dessert that she (or he) may have spent hours preparing.
My life and attitudes have changed greatly since I joined OA, and I would give away this freedom from food obsession to everyone I know if it were possible. -- C.T. IN BOULDER, COLO.
DEAR C.T.: Congratulations on your abstinence. When you are confronted with an elaborate dessert you can't eat, say, "I know you worked hard on this. But I can't accept it. I have food issues. I'm addicted to sugar, and once I start, I cannot stop. So please understand."
And unless the person is a diet saboteur, she (or he) will back off.
DEAR ABBY: How does one tell a friend that the tattoo she got in honor of her recently deceased friend is misspelled? Or should one? (I don't think most people would have noticed the misspelling, for what it's worth.) -- GOOD SPELLER IN PASADENA
DEAR GOOD SPELLER: Sometimes the kind thing to do is to keep one's mouth shut. If this were something that was easy to fix, I'd say tell your friend in English, and fast. However, because it's not, my recommendation is to let someone else give her the bad news.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who, last year, became the guardian of her 3-year-old granddaughter. This has severely curtailed her dating due to the need to hire baby sitters.
If a gentleman knows her circumstances and asks her out anyway, who is responsible for paying the baby sitter? -- K.B. IN MACON, GA.
DEAR K.B.: Since the child is her responsibility, it is her responsibility to pay for the baby sitter. However, if the "gentleman" knows it will strain her financially -- and he can afford it -- he should offer to pick up the tab.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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