DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for about eight years. Frankly, they stayed married too long. They made me and my siblings miserable with their constant fighting. Mom finally left my father, and although Dad tried to win her back, she went through with the divorce.
Dad is now happily remarried, and Mom lives with her boyfriend. My children love their new step-grandmother, "Ellen," and they also love my mother's boyfriend.
I have never invited Dad to any of my children's birthday parties (my oldest will be 10 next month) because I invite my mother. However, I really like Ellen, and when my 5-year-old insisted I send invitations to her grandfather and Ellen, I didn't hesitate.
My mother is extremely selfish and self-centered. She doesn't want Ellen to have any kind of relationship with "her" grandchildren. She has already called Ellen and told her so in not-so-nice words.
How can I break it to Mom that my daughter wants everyone there? After all, it's her special day. I'm glad my dad is happy. I like Ellen, and my children love her. I have reached the end of my rope with my mother, but I'm not sure how to express my feelings. -- IN THE MIDDLE IN STOCKTON, CALIF.
DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Tell your mother that in this day of blended families, you are no longer willing to choose sides. Explain that you and the kids would love to have her share these milestone occasions with you, but their grandfather and his wife are part of the extended family and will be included. If she doesn't like it, then it is her privilege not to attend -- but if she goes that route, she'll only be cutting off her nose to spite her face.