DEAR ABBY: My mother has had a "best friend" for many years. "Joan" has had many problems in her life that Mom has seen her through. Joan has helped my mother through some rough times, too, particularly through the death of my father 10 years ago.
Joan can sometimes be very difficult to be around because she constantly seeks attention and tends to become rather dramatic. She seems to take pleasure in the idea she has it worse than anyone else.
A few weeks ago, Joan, who is a massage therapist, was giving a massage to my best friend, "Becky." Becky later informed me that during the 45-minute massage, Joan bad-mouthed my mother and disclosed some personal problems that Mom has confided to Joan.
Should I tell my mom about this? It would crush her if I do; my mom has been through some big changes and isn't exactly emotionally stable at the moment. But I can't let Joan go around bad-mouthing my mom, her supposed "friend."
Should I tell my mother that Joan is leaking personal information about her to other people? Or should I confront Joan? -- OUTRAGED IN SAN ANGELO, TEXAS
DEAR OUTRAGED: Do not fight this battle for your mother. She needs to be told that she's pouring out her heart into a leaky vessel. However, because she is "not exactly stable," you will have to find a way to do it in a manner that won't roil the waters.
The first thing to do is to cool your outrage so you don't cause your mother to overreact. Then find a way to do it with humor. "You know, Mom, we both know that Joan isn't the sharpest tool in the shed ..." Once your mother stops providing Joan with information, she'll have nothing to talk about.