To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Boy Cured of Bed Wetting Is Now a Different Child
DEAR ABBY: I want to thank you for an article you wrote that my mother kept for my nephew. Because of it, my 13-year-old son is now cured from bed-wetting. You had mentioned Hargitt House Foundation for helping children who wet the bed. Well, after only nine weeks, my son is dry! He can now enjoy going to sleep-overs when he was too embarrassed to go anywhere overnight.
My sanity has returned. You don't know how angry I felt to wake up to all those urine-soaked sheets every morning. I know I should not have gotten angry with him, but when you are frustrated every day, it wears on you. I know it wasn't his fault or anything that he did wrong. I feel so guilty for treating him as if it were.
My son is truly a different child now. They changed his diet, he is more rested, and he is joyful and pleasant to be around. Thanks so much to you and to Hargitt House for allowing my son to have his self-esteem back. -- TRACEY IN TEXAS
DEAR TRACEY: Thank you for your complimentary letter, but the letter to which you are referring appeared in my late aunt Ann Landers' column in 1994 or 1995. I am pleased, however, to offer the Hargitt House Foundation as a resource to my readers.
Bed-wetting is a problem that is shared by children and adults worldwide, and members of both sexes. Its sufferers come from all races and socioeconomic classes, and yet it is something that is rarely discussed -- a deep, dark "family secret" kept behind closed doors. Bed-wetters often suffer from low self-esteem and an overwhelming sense of shame. And tragically, some children are abused because of it.
The Hargitt House Foundation has helped many children and their parents overcome the problem of bed-wetting. For more information about its program, write: The Hargitt House Foundation, P.O. Box 130342, The Woodlands, TX 77393; on the Web, visit www.hargitthousefoundation.com, or e-mail info@hargitthousefoundation.com.
DEAR ABBY: Until recently, I lived happily in my apartment complex. All that changed when some neighbors moved in. "Greg" and his girlfriend, "Suzy," smoke what I believe is marijuana. I let the landlord know, and she had a talk with them. Of course they denied everything and swore that they do not smoke anything in their room. The landlord then spoke to me and said there is not much he can do about the problem.
Abby, the smell is terrible. My closet abuts the area in which they smoke, and my clothing is permeated. People have asked me if I smoke dope. I tell them I don't, and leave it at that.
My concern is that I will be working for a school district soon and I'm afraid my colleagues may think the same thing, and it will put me in a bad light with the school administration. My neighbors smoke 24/7, and I don't know what other options I have. My landlord says they have to be caught in the act. Have you any advice? Please keep this strictly anonymous because I'm afraid of retribution. -- SMOKED OUT IN TEXAS
DEAR SMOKED OUT: Your landlord copped out. Because your neighbors are smoking "24/7," they could be using something stronger than marijuana. Pick up the phone and notify the police about your problem. Because the stench has traveled through the walls (or vents), it's time the matter was properly investigated and a stop is put to it.
Bratty Little Sister Annoys Tweener Who's Growing Up
DEAR ABBY: I am 11. My sister, "Brittany," is 9. She always tries to make me feel dumb and little. She makes fun of everything I do and cracks rude comments about me. She kisses up to everyone else and makes them think she's an angel.
I am fed up with Brittany's smart-alecky comments and rudeness. She constantly annoys me because we have the same room. She thinks it's a huge joke that I am going through puberty and holds her nose around me all the time.
I have tried talking to her, my parents, my grandparents, and anyone else who will listen. They think we are "just being sisters" and that I complain too much. Help! -- FED UP IN GREENVILLE, S.C.
DEAR FED UP: Your sister is acting like a brat because she is only 9 and she's jealous of you. Please try to keep that in mind when she makes you feel "dumb" and "little," because you are neither.
When Brittany teases you about going through puberty, remind her that in a few years she will be going through the exact same thing -- and how will she like you holding your nose around her?
Puberty is a difficult time under the best circumstances, and sharing a room with a little pest can make it even more so. Perhaps that room could be rearranged so that you both have some degree of privacy? Think about it and discuss it with your mother, because it is doable.
DEAR ABBY: I recently ended a three-year relationship, and afterward I found out my ex had fathered a child while we were together. This is not the reason I ended the relationship because I didn't know about it until after it was over.
When I told our mutual friends that I knew, a few of them told me they had known the whole time, but were "giving him the opportunity to be a man and tell me himself." I feel hurt and betrayed because no one told me the truth. One of these "friends" was my own sister -- which has obviously put a strain on our relationship. What should I do? -- BETRAYED IN FORT SMITH, ARK.
DEAR BETRAYED: Although you were told the reason they kept silent was to "give (your ex) the opportunity to be a man and tell you himself," it may also have been that they didn't want to hurt you. In other words, it was a misguided effort to protect you. So please try to forgive them. (That includes your sister.) And be grateful to the Lord above that you didn't waste any more time on that philandering jerk.
DEAR ABBY: I always read the advice you give everyone. I am depressed. Since childhood, I have always been a problem child. I always have this sense of loneliness in me. Due to that, I'm not very active. I never want to marry. I wish to remain alone. According to our customs here in Kuwait, marriage is compulsory. But I do not want to marry!
I am a business student, and I wish to take a psychology course so I can be away from my parents and family. I want to be by myself. I just hate being with them. Am I doing the right thing? -- MIDDLE EASTERN GIRL
DEAR MIDDLE EASTERN GIRL: I agree with you that the reason you feel the way you do could be depression. Depression and feelings of isolation often feed upon each other -- each making the other worse.
I see no harm in your taking a psychology course; such courses can be helpful. However, if there is a student health center at your school, my advice is to talk to a counselor there about your feelings. You need professional help beyond what I can offer in a letter.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR ABBY: I had to write after reading the letter from "Baby O.D." about the "proud daddy" who brings photos of his child to work weekly to show co-workers. I have a co-worker who does the same thing. She brings photos, stories, videotapes, you name it, of her children to work.
Usually the stories are mundane and go something like this: "My child made a heart-shaped paper at school today. She used her purple scissors and smiled at her teacher while doing it. She's right-handed, just like me. Last week, she made a star-shaped paper," and on and on.
I learned to smile politely and to excuse myself after 60 seconds. Others, feeling obligated, would stand and listen to her droning even though there was work to be done.
Co-workers who are not parents have confided that "diaper talks" between mothers are extremely disgusting to be subjected to during lunchtime. For the record, I'm a mother, but I save my "kid talk" for after work. If the subject arises during lunchtime, I make it short so others have a chance to talk, too. -- BEEN THERE IN OREGON
DEAR BEEN THERE: That's because you are someone with social sensitivity. This isn't a problem that happens only with new parents. Grandparents can also be guilty of it. Read on for a sample of the comments that letter generated because some of them are a hoot.
DEAR ABBY: The letter about the "proud daddy" brought to mind a wonderfully funny incident that occurred a number of years ago on a trip through central Asia. We had a grandmother on the trip who, at the slightest inducement, would whip out a veritable Jacob's ladder of her grandchildren's photos and show them to anyone who could not get out of the way in time.
One evening, while relaxing after a terrific meal in northern India, the grandmother turned to Bob, an older bachelor seated next to me, and said, "Bob, have I ever showed you photos of my grandchildren?" "No," Bob replied, "you have not. And thank you so much!" -- STILL LAUGHING IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR ABBY: We solved this issue in our office by converting one whole bulletin board into a "Sharing Board" for moms, dads, grannies, aunties, etc. We can all look at it at our leisure (or not), and the pictures can be displayed for a longer period of time as well. Maybe "O.D." could start up a board in their office. We all like to "show off" our treasures! -- HAPPY GRANNY IN CINCINNATI
DEAR ABBY: My co-worker and I had the same problem. He talked about his dogs too much; I talked about my kid too much. It took a while, but now when I go overboard, he starts talking about his dogs, and vice versa. After a few minutes, we just change the subject. It's not confrontational -- and it works! -- PROUD MOM, NAPA, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: Recent research has identified the unique contribution of fathers in the development and success of young children. Mothers often receive support for parenting, but fathers are often left out of the picture. Teachers often phone a child's home and, if the father answers, the teacher will ask for the mother.
When fathers are present, the child benefits from an increased sense of playfulness, improved communication skills, higher self-esteem (especially in girls), higher academic achievement and higher financial security. I say hats off to fathers who are so involved that they proudly display pictures of their children. -- JANET D., HUNTINGTON, W.VA.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)