For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman who has been married for four months to an amazing man. We have a wonderful marriage and are looking forward to growing old together. However, I have a slight problem:
I have a baby blanket I have had since I was a baby and have slept with it since before I could walk. When I turned 16, I told myself I'd get rid of it. Sixteen turned to 18, 18 turned into getting rid of it when I graduated from college, which turned into getting rid of it when I married.
I am now married and have no intention of getting rid of it. I guess I've held onto it because it's familiar. (We moved far from home after our wedding.) My husband says he doesn't mind, and I'm sure he's not lying, but it's a little embarrassing. I can't fall asleep without it. I even watch TV with it in my lap or read with it behind my head.
Do you think it's ridiculous for me to have a baby blanket at 24 with a new, wonderful husband, or should I just keep it and not worry? -- K.T., IN KENTUCKY
DEAR K.T.: Your "problem" may be unusual, but it's not unheard of. Your "blanky" is familiar and soothing, and since your husband doesn't mind, I see no reason why you should be concerned about keeping it. Enjoy!
DEAR ABBY: I have finally been reunited with my 30-year-old son, who was in the Marines as a sergeant in Iraq. He decided he wanted to get in touch with his dad after 15 years. I welcomed him with open arms.
I love my son very much. Is it wrong for me to want to hug him?
He is married, and I have just met his wife. She's a great person and a wonderful daughter-in-law. She met me at the door with a hug. I told them both that I love them, always have and always will, and it wasn't my choice that we were separated. I don't ever want us to be separated again.
He told me, "Dad, I love you, too," but he's not too keen about the hugs all of a sudden. (It was OK the first couple of visits.) I just want him to know I really love him. Do you think my son is too old to be hugged? -- DEMONSTRATIVE DAD IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DEMONSTRATIVE DAD: No, I do not. Hugging is a common expression of affection in many families. However, you must remember that you have been separated from your son for half his life. And for hugging to be OK, it needs to be mutual. So before you do it again, talk to your son about it and be sure the gesture is welcomed. And if it makes him uncomfortable, respect his feelings.
DEAR ABBY: My father recently died. My co-workers took up a collection to give to me. It has always been my understanding that gifts such as this should be used for the funeral expenses. Therefore, I passed the money on to my mother.
When I mentioned it to a couple of my co-workers and friends, they said I should have kept the money for myself -- that was the intent. Was I wrong to pass it on to my mother? She is the one paying for the funeral and needs the money for a headstone, etc. -- LINDA IN EDINBURG, ILL.
DEAR LINDA: Your friends are well-intentioned but mistaken. My understanding is the same as yours -- and you did the right thing in giving the money to your mother to help with the expenses surrounding your father's funeral.
Anesthesia Is Not a Truth Serum and That's No Lie!
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter regarding the husband who, while coming out of anesthesia, "confessed" to cheating on his wife.
You were dead on when you said, "People babble all sorts of nonsense when coming out of anesthesia." Some of it may be true, but most of the time it is not! I know from experience.
When I had knee surgery, I later learned that while I was in recovery I told the nurse I hoped Meredith wouldn't see me, as I looked horrible. When asked who Meredith was, I said she was my wife. Abby, I was 14 years old at the time!
I hope that the wife in that letter realizes that maybe her husband's confession was just the result of being in a completely different world. And hopefully, the husband's alleged mistress is only as real as my supposed "wife" was. -- GREGORY B., CINCINNATI
DEAR GREGORY B.: Thank you for sharing your experience. Believe it or not, I got a rash of mail from people telling me I should not have printed that letter because it would deter people from having necessary medical procedures that require an anesthetic! What the hospital worker had actually done was share an old wives' tale. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: If it were true that "people coming out of anesthesia are completely incapable of lying," the police would be giving this as a test instead of polygraphs, neither of which are admissible in court as reliable indicators to convict someone. Other evidence is needed. -- JUANITA IN MELBOURNE, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: My husband had a colonoscopy, and when I met him in the recovery room he was still "under the influence." When I asked him how it went in there, he responded, "Well, we had Earth, Wind and Fire in there, and we were dancing all over the place." I replied, "I find that hard to believe, honey," and he said, "I won the dance contest!"
I would advise that wife not to believe what others say while coming out of anesthesia. -- CINDY IN ANN ARBOR, MICH.
DEAR ABBY: Since I have been giving anesthesia for more than 30 years, I feel somewhat qualified to comment on the nurse's statement that "It's impossible to lie under anesthesia." There are many classes of drugs given during anesthesia, and most of them only make you talkative and amnestic. I don't know of a single one that is guaranteed to produce the truth. I hope the woman who might be getting a divorce due to her husband's response reads this. -- PAT IN MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA
DEAR ABBY: It is my experience that much of the public refer to anyone wearing scrubs as a nurse. In fact, many other employees in health care wear scrubs, including lab techs, nursing aides and assistants, orderlies, housekeepers and unit secretaries. Assuming you are interacting with a nurse when, in fact, you aren't in a health care setting can lead to consequences ranging from annoying to downright dangerous.
There was no excuse for any employee in health care to have made such appalling comments. Especially in this age of overburdened health care workers and crowded hospitals, it is imperative that the public know with whom they are speaking, questioning, or taking instructions from in a medical setting! -- AN R.N. IN EUGENE, ORE.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Absent Hosts at Party Leave Guests to Fend for Themselves
DEAR Abby: I was recently invited to a party. The invitation stated a specific time for the event. I arrived on time, only to find the host and hostess not there. One left as we were arriving, and the other came in two hours late (at a ball game for a child).
Two of their children, ages 7 and 11, were home. I consider this to be extremely rude, as it happens every time they host a party. I say they do not consider the time of their guests to be important, and if they can't be present at the time stated on the invitation, then they shouldn't invite people over.
All the guests entertained themselves until the "hosts" got back. What are your thoughts on this? I will never accept another invitation from them. -- CAROL IN SPOTSLYVANIA, VA.
DEAR CAROL: I don't blame you. The "hosts'" manners were appalling. Frankly, I'm surprised any of the guests stayed around for two hours. I can only surmise they did it in order to be sure the children were properly looked after. Why anyone would accept a second invitation from such irresponsible, inconsiderate hosts is beyond me.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just found out that we are expecting our third child. This pregnancy was unexpected. Our youngest is now 7. I gave all my baby stuff away to friends and family after our second daughter was born.
We are not in the poorhouse, but it would definitely be nice to have some help. To be honest, I am also excited about the idea of a shower because it has been so long since I have been pregnant.
I want to have a baby shower, but I'm not sure if it would be appropriate because this is our third baby. Are there any rules saying you should have a baby shower only with your first? Please help. -- EXPECTING IN OHIO
DEAR EXPECTING: According to Emily Post, "It is all right to give showers the second, or even third, time a couple has a baby. But only when the guest list is limited to close relatives and very close friends, and guests who didn't attend a shower for the first baby."
The shower should be hosted by a close friend of yours or a member of the family. Today people understand that every baby deserves to be celebrated, and that's a step forward from the "old days," when people felt that baby showers were "one to a customer."
DEAR ABBY: I am a Jewish teenager with a huge problem. There are many kids in my school who will not stop telling offensive Jewish "jokes." In the beginning it was kind of funny, but after months and months of it, the jokes have reached a whole new level. They are inappropriate, offensive and personal.
I have asked them many times to stop, but they never listen. Is there anything I can say that will get the point across that I really want them to stop? -- HURT IN MOORESTOWN, N.J.
DEAR HURT: Probably not. You have already tried and it didn't work. Now it's time to tell your principal what has been going on, because you are being scapegoated. The principal can see to it that the student body receives some sensitivity training -- and, if necessary, notify the parents of the guilty parties.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)